Cara Lockwood

Want a Signed Bookmark? Get one!

2012-01-07T06:11:00.000-08:00

Hi all my lovely Bard fans,

I have just received a stack of limited-edition Bard Academy bookmarks and I will be signing about a 100 of them. If you'd like one (and, I get it, ironic to have one even though A TALE OF TWO PROMS is an eBook), but hey, it's signed by yours truly, so it's something that will look awesome hanging up in your room. Plus, you could put it into the pages of Wuthering High or The Scarlet Letterman.

All you have to do to get one is to buy A TALE OF TWO PROMS, available from all major retailers:

Amazon (shout out to the Kindle!): http://amzn.to/tdDEdB

Apple: http://bit.ly/uMkpKD

Barnes and Noble (Nook fans!): http://bit.ly/uNd6nG

Once you've downloaded it and gotten an e-receipt, email it to me, along with your snail-mail address and I'll send you a signed bookmark (Hello - collector's item!).

Don't wait!
Buy now!
:)

Want a Signed Bookmark? Get one!

2012-01-06T07:28:00.001-08:00

Buy a Tale of Two Proms Now!

2011-12-20T07:50:00.000-08:00

Hello all my very patient Bard fans,

Good news! A Tale of Two Proms is now available for purchase - just in time for Christmas! (The perfect holiday gift? Well, I'm not one to brag.... Well, okay, I am. It IS the perfect holiday gift - for yourself and every single person you know).

This is a digital-only book, but you can get it at every major digital seller:

Amazon (shout out to the Kindle!): http://amzn.to/tdDEdB

Apple: http://bit.ly/uMkpKD

Barnes and Noble (Nook fans!): http://bit.ly/uNd6nG

And the BEST part? It's just $4.99. Skip one Gingerbread Latte and you've saved up enough dough to purchase. This isn't going to break your holiday budget and it will be the best $4.99 you've ever spent! (Did I mention I'm prone to wild fits of exaggerated self-promotion? But you guys knew that about me already).

Read it on your Nook, Kindle, iPhone, iPad, or plain old PC. Remember, this is most likely the final book in the Bard series. I've promised to answer all your pressing questions (Will Healthcliff and Miranda end up together? Or split apart forever?) You've got to download it to find out. You won't be disappointed.

Spread the word among your family and friends. I'll be holding a contest for those of you who get your friends to download and buy A Tale of Two Proms as well. Stay tuned for more details!

Bard 4 is coming soon!

2011-12-07T12:01:00.001-08:00

Hi to all my (very) patient Bard fans:

Fear not. Bard 4 - A Tale of Two Proms - will be out before Christmas! Here's a sneak peek of the new (and decidedly bad-a cover). As you can see, in the last installment (most likely) of the Bard series, some serious stuff is going to go down.

As the title suggests, there's not one, but TWO proms, and there's no end to the romantic drama. Will Miranda end up with her fictional love Healthcliff? Or will Heathcliff be drawn back to Catherine, the love fated for him Wuthering Heights? Oh, yes, I'm bringing Catherine back for the finale. You knew I would, didn't you?

I promise I'll answer all your big questions:

Are the faculty freed? (Answer: You'll have to read to the end to find out)
Can Heathcliff leave Shipwreck Island? (What do YOU think?)
Does Parker finally get what's coming to her (YES, in a big way)
Is Miranda's little sister Lindsay still annoying? (Probably)
Does Miranda's Dad finally get a clue? (You betcha)
How many one-liners does Blade throw out during fight scenes? (A lot)

Oh, yes, I promise I will deliver a delicious, good-old-fashioned, creepy Bard funfest. Tell your friends! I'll have a link to purchase shortly - I promise. In the meantime, if you're not already on my mailing list for news about Bard, join now!

Are YOU the next ME?

2011-09-14T12:38:00.000-07:00

Do you have what it takes to be a bestselling author?
Cara Lockwood is now taking your submissions

Hi, friends! A new site called Edit-My-Novel.com launched this week. For those of you who may be budding novelists, I'm branching out and offering some freelance editing for you would-be fiction writers out there. It's time to dust off those half-written manuscripts that have been growing cobwebs on your hard drive. Maybe all they need is a sharp editing eye by yours truly.

The great thing about Edit-My-Novel is that there are several editing packages. One for nearly every budget. It's also a great excuse to get to talk to me, so check it out:

Edit-My-Novel.com.

Okay, so for those of you in the strictly-reader camp, I do have Bard news. As you know, I am hard at work on the final installment of the Bard Academy series.

As I write this, I'm putting the final edits on A Tale of Two Proms, so it's very close to being done,

In A Tale of Two Proms, I answer your most pressing questions (Will the ghost faculty escape? Will Heathcliff be banished to Wuthering Heights? Will Hana ever get a boyfriend? And, perhaps, most importantly, will tattoo-obsessed Blade actually wear a dress to prom?) Stay tuned for the answers you've been waiting for. A release date is coming very soon.

And a special thanks goes out to everyone who submitted ideas for the last book. I will be including a shout out to you in the acknowledgments of A Tale of Two Proms. That's just one of about a dozen reasons to buy it! Stay tuned. More info to come!

I AM the Head Gamemaster!

2011-07-14T22:10:00.000-07:00

I realize that this isn't Panem (at least not yet), but if you're in Iowa City this weekend, there WILL be Hunger Games. And I'll be hosting/trying to get out of the way of any tributes swinging inflatable boxing gloves.

It's one of three appearances I'll be making at the Iowa City Book Festival this weekend hosted by the University of Iowa (Go Hawkeyes!).

I am Head Gamemaster, which means that I control everything, or at least judge who gets to win some cool prizes.

How, are you asking, did an author like me who is five foot one manage to land such a sweet (and potentially violent) gig? Well, as it turns out, I am a heck of a lot more available than Suzanne Collins. But to be fair, she's got that huge Hunger Games movie in production at the moment. She can't drop everything to referee Hunger Games fanatics who want to try out some Tracker Jacker sticker tag. I, on the other hand, have no major Hollywood productions in the works (unless you count my Netflix queue). So, count me in!

Plus, let's be frank. It's not every day you're asked to be a Head Gamemaster. I'm already heady with power. I'll be there gladly bossing people around in true, cruel, manipulative Head Gamemaster fashion. You will fear me, until you realize that I a) have no real power and b) don't actually own a hovercraft.

Come to Gibson Square at the University of Iowa between 1 and 4 p.m. and be a tribute for the afternoon. You get to "train" by learning how to camouflage cookies better than Peeta (already my favorite event), practice your aim with a deadly bean-bag toss, and learn how to call a Mocking Jay with some local experts on bird calls. During the actual games, you can expect extreme water balloon fights, giant plastic boxing gloves and lots of serious fun. I'll also be giving away five free signed copies of The Girl Who Was On Fire, too, so don't miss out - you might just be winner of the Qwell!

And if you haven't read the Hunger Games, I am sure you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about. That's okay. If you're near Iowa City, come by to see me on Saturday afternoon. I'll be reading from my not-yet-published, brand-spanking-new Bard Academy Book A Tale of Two Proms, which will be out in late 2011. That will be at the University of Iowa Library at 1:30 p.m. At three, I'll be on a writer's panel with Joe Haldeman (The Forever War), who is a giant in the world of science fiction.

We'll be discussing science in literature, a topic that I am entirely unqualified to discuss, so you should come to laugh and stay to ask questions.

Calling all Bard fans.... get ready for Book four!

2011-04-11T12:16:00.001-07:00

Hi all,

I'm happy to report that I am hard at work on the fourth (and likely final!) installment of the Bard Academy series. It's Miranda's senior year and she's about to graduate. But leaving Bard means leaving Heathcliff, possibly forever. Will Miranda find a way to keep Heathcliff in this world? Or will the sudden appearance of his old flame, Catherine, change everything?

I'm calling it "A Tale of Two Proms" and I will be resolving some tricky questions (Do Miranda and Heathcliff finally get together? Does Heathcliff get transported back to Wuthering Heights? Does he love Miranda... or Catherine? Oh, yes. I'm going there!)

I'm hoping to have the book done this year, and out before the end of the year, but we'll see how that all goes. Right now, I need your help. If you'd like to see (and read) A Tale of Two Proms, follow me on Twitter (www.twitter.com/caralockwood or here at this blog) to get the latest news on just when (and how!) you can get your hands on a copy.

Also, I'm doing something a little different with Bard 4 - I'm taking input from the fans! What is it that you're dying to see happen in (the most likely last) Bard Academy book? Want to see Heathcliff and Miranda together? Or Ryan and Miranda? Want to see Parker get what's coming to her? Or should Lindsay be class president? Tell me now. Some of your ideas might just end up in the book.

Post comments here, on Twitter or email directly at cara@caralockwood.com. Can't wait to hear your ideas!

Stay tuned for more...

En Fuego winners!

2011-04-06T08:03:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Thanks for all the great posts about the Hunger Games! And congrats to contest winners Carol from Pennsylvania and Kelly from Missouri. Keep checking back here or follow me on Twitter for more contests. I may run another Girl On Fire contest soon!

And remember, for those of you who didn't win, the good news is that the book is now available to buy. I really do love this essay book. For more info on how you can get your copy, check out Smart Pop books at http://www.smartpopbooks.com/book/the-girl-who-was-on-fire.

And if you're really hoping to win a book, I'm still giving away signed copies of Dixieland Sushi for anyone who helps out the earthquake survivors of Japan with a donation to the Red Cross (no amount is too small). I'm giving away 20 signed copies, so odds are good for winning! Just email me your receipt at cara@caralockwood.com and you're entered to win.

I am a serious Hunger Games addict. Can't wait for the movie. Did you hear the news that Katniss, Gale and Peeta have already been cast? Check it out:

http://www.bigshinyrobot.com/reviews/archives/25019

Tell me what you think. On looks alone, I might have to change my Team Peeta to Team Gale! (Not really, of course). I seriously can't wait for this movie. What do you guys think?

I'm en fuego - and you can be, too! Win the new book.

2011-03-23T09:08:00.001-07:00

Are you a Hunger Games addict like I am? Then you must check out the new essay book by Smart Pop books called "The Girl Who Was On Fire." It's unauthorized, so that just means it's totally awesome.

And today is your lucky day because we're giving away free copies. Just leave me a comment here about just why you love the Hunger Games and I'll enter you to win.

Read an excerpt from the book (and my essay) at http://www.smartpopbooks.com/3371.

Help Japan!

2011-03-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

Hi guys,

Anyone who's been watching the coverage of the earthquake and nuclear troubles in Japan know how devestating it's been for that country. I still have ties to Japan - my dad's grandparents immigrated from the land of the rising sun. I still have distant cousins living there.

I've donated to the Red Cross already, but anybody who emails (cara@caralockwood.com) or tweets me a receipt of their own donation (of absolutely any amount) at www.redcross.org, I'll enter you to win one of five signed copies of Dixieland Sushi.

I don't yet know the odds, but last time I held a contest, they were really good (meaning you enter, you had a one in three chance of winning!).

Good luck - and remember, it's for a good cause.
Cara

I'm On Fire!

2011-02-21T20:51:00.001-08:00

Okay, not really.

But I AM in a great new book of essays about the fabulous Hunger Games trilogy called "The Girl Who Was On Fire." It's unauthorized, so that just means it's cool. Honestly, you should buy it just for the cover. I mean how cool is that? (WARNING: May show signs of being Hunger Games Triology Ultra Fan. I am a Hunger Games Geek - Would that make me a Glunger? A Heek? I clearly need to work on that).

Anyway, check out the book of essays at Smart Pop:

www.smartpopbooks.com/3371

I write about genetic muttations (if you've read the Games, you know I'm talking about Tracker Jackers and other gruesome creations) and how we might be closer than you think to engineering our own freak genetic weapons.

Here's an excerpt:

I will admit right now that I am entirely too critical of most sci-fi. I’m the one sitting in the movie theater grumbling, “that could never happen.” Or, more concisely, I’ll just say: “Seriously?”

Could there be some crazy disease somewhere in a lab that would turn the entire planet into brain-eating zombies or sunlight- fearing vampires? No way. Beefing up shark brains to make them super-smart predators? I don’t think so. Crazed prehistoric- sized piranhas that will devour anybody with an inflatable floatie and a cooler? Please. They want us to believe this stuff?

Like take the insane DNA-spliced mutant monsters that make terrifying cameos throughout the Hunger Games. I’m supposed to believe that one day we could be ripped apart by mutant wolves with tribute eyes? Stung by poisonous and relentless tracker jackers? Or get devoured by giant lizard men?

Seriously?

As it turns out . . . maybe so.

If you want to read more, grab your copy of "The Girl Who Was On Fire" today!

Ah, summer reading...

2010-05-27T08:21:00.000-07:00

So, I've been remiss in blogging for a number of reasons, but let's not dwell on the past, shall we? Let's move forward and think about the future - in a place where I don't procrastinate and I blog relentlessly every day.

It's nearly summer, and that means that it's time to crack open those paperbacks and enjoy a little beach reading. I love beach reading. It's my favorite kind. Add a margarita, an exotic locale, and maybe a fit pool boy named Paulo, and you've got my idea of a perfect vacation.

I'm going to say this about beach reads, however. Given that's pretty much all I write, I'm the expert on summer reading.

Looking for suspense? Check out the new one by suspense master Kevin O'Brien: Viscious. You won't be able to put this one down. It's so chilling you won't even need to crank the AC.

For those of you who don't want to grow up by have to (I'm definitely in this category), check out the very funny Accidental Adult by Colin Sokolowski.

My friend Allison Winn Scotch has a new one out, too. Don't miss this wise and absorbing book: The One That I Want.

And if you're looking for heartwarming and hilarious, be sure to preorder Stacey Ballis' latest, Good Enough To Eat, which is out the first week in September.

And, naturally, no summer list would be complete without some self-promotion. If you haven't grabbed a copy of Can't Teach An Old Demon New Tricks - you must. No beach will be the same without it. Trust me on that.

Happy summer, everybody!

It's here!

2010-04-04T16:04:00.000-07:00

Well, everybody, the Cara Lockwood drought is over. The new book is here. Can't Teach An Old Demon New Tricks is now on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. It's getting some pretty good reviews by people other than my mom. Like Booklist says I have "engaging characters" and "snappy dialogue" (Oh you bet I do!).

Romance Reviews Today called CAN'T TEACH a "Funny, passionate, and full of magic and adventure... a thoroughly enjoyable adventure that will have readers quickly flipping the pages."

Need more proof? Check the word out here:

Fresh Fiction

Fallen Angel Reviews

Want to read more? Here's a glimpse of the back of the book:

Get an east Texas girl good and mad,and there’s going to be hell to pay!

Rachel Farnsworth doesn’t believe in the paranormal—she can find plenty of evil forces right in Dogwood County, like the Mega-Mart that’s driving her family’s hardware store into the ground. Then there’s her own little hell-raiser—a rowdy toddler who can turn his birthday candles into a blazing inferno with just one breath. But when her marriage goes up in smoke, Rachel discovers her husband, Kevin, isn’t just a deadbeat, he’s also a demon (a sloth demon, no less, which explains why he never helped around the house) with a renegade bounty hunter—a fallen angel named Sam— chasing down a powerful secret Kevin has kept for a millennium or two. Sam’s downfall was a beautiful mortal woman . . . and now, the heavenly attraction zinging between them has down-to-earth Rachel believing in celestial magic. But will it be enough to save her and her son from the dark forces Kevin has unwittingly unleashed on Dogwood County?

Congrats to the winners!

2010-03-01T20:20:00.000-08:00

Congrats to the five lucky winners of the You Pick! Contest:

Angie, Kate, Mandi, Kitty and April!

Sad you didn't win? Don't worry. I'm feeling generous. Lord knows I could use some good karma these days. How about I give away five signed copies of my new book, out at the end of the month - Can't Teach An Old Demon New Tricks? Just shoot me an email at contest@caralockwood.com and I'll enter you to win. I'll pick winners on April 2. I was going to go for April 1, but I don't want to be mistaken for some elaborate April Fool's gag. And anyway, I'm pretty sure the joke's on me. SO... shoot me an email and I'll enter you to win.

And if you're a discerning contest enterer (that's definitely not a word) and want to check out Can't Teach An Old Demon New Tricks head to Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

Don't forget you can get the prequel to Can't Teach An Old Demon New Tricks... Every Demon Has His Day, which is on sale now at your local bookstore for the ridiculous price of $5.99. I think the only thing cheaper than that is a Happy Meal.

My book may not come with fries, but it won't glob on to your hips, either. And that's got to be a good thing, right?

Til next time.

Get Your (cheap) Books here!

2010-01-29T12:11:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of winter. It might have something to do with the fact that my down-filled coat decided to explode this morning, leaving me looking feathered (sans tar). Goose down does little to enhance an all-black outfit, FYI.

So, to chase away those winter blahs, I've got a little ray of good news. Three Cara Lockwood titles have just been re-released in cheaper, mass market paperback editions. I Do (But I Don't), Every Demon Has His Day and Pink Slip Party make their re-debuts (I just made up that word) this week in a book store near you. Pink Slip Has this lovely new cover (see right), and the others have their same old covers, but an even better price: $5.99. You can't beat that, folks.

So, if you've been always meaning to read "those other" Cara Lockwood books, well now is your chance to do so on the cheap. I mean $5.99? That's like half a movie ticket. And like 1/100th of a new down coat, which I will no doubt have to buy, seeing as how I live in Chicago, and it can snow here pretty much til June.

Ahem. But, my point was, go buy some books! And so I don't look completely like the shameless self-promoter, I'm going to do something generous now. I'm going to extend the contest deadline for those five lucky winners who get to pick ANY single book from my backlist (that's eight glorious choices people!). Said winners get to pick their books, I sign them and send them to you. Boom! Free signed book. Of course, I can't promise it'll even fetch $5.99 on Ebay, but you at least have a nice, personalized signed book and when was the last time Danielle Steele did that for you? Exactly.

So, if you haven't already, email me at contest@caralockwood.com, and I'll enter you in the drawing on March 1, 2010.

Happy Post Holidays!

2010-01-06T08:58:00.000-08:00

Ah, the sound of James Brown blaring at Starbucks. It must be post-holiday time! The Christmas tunes are off, and now we're back to some odd ecclectic mix of James Brown, the Beatles and some Irish Rock Indie band I've never heard of. It's good to be back!

If you're not so happy that the Christmas music is gone or if you're still fuming about that package of coal-colored Fruit of the Loom that Santa brought you, then fear not. I've got a little post-holiday contest to lift your spirits.

Several of my books are being re-released this month in mass market paperback (I Do (But I Don't), Pink Slip Party and Every Demon Has His Day). In honor of the re-release, I'll be giving away five titles from my back list - winner's choice! You can have one of the three new re-releases, or you could pick one of the Bard Books, or you could just spin the book wheel and let me decide. In any case, you'll get an autographed copy of a Cara Lockwood masterpiece. Okay, well, if not quite a masterpiece, then a piece. Of something.

Ahem.

But, hey, it's a free book. Signed. By moi. You could get worse things. Like a pair of underwear.

So, just shot me an email at contest@caralockwood.com to enter the January Book Giveaway and I'll pick five winners on February 1.

And remember, if you don't win, you can always snag a copy of one of the re-releases. They're only $5.99! That's what I call a sweet deal.

(Actually, I secretly call it my "retire in Hawaii" deal. But with the amount of money in that account, I can't actually retire at the moment. Given the hits my 401K have taken this year, I might have to call it my "Retire to Work as Wal-Mart Greeter fund" but I digress.

Email me! Enter the contest. Win a signed book!

Let it Snow - Somewhere Else

2009-12-09T14:37:00.000-08:00

I hate snow. Oh, sure, call me a killjoy. Call me unfestive. But today, after slogging through horizontal snow with two heavy bags of trash only to find my trash cans frozen shut, I just wasn't feeling the holiday spirit.

I'm a winter sissy, I admit it. I've spent nine winters in Chicago so far, and I'm still not used to the cold. I grew up in Texas, ya'll. My idea of winter is when you can drink a frozen margarita on the porch without it melting in five minutes.

But then I moved to the midwest, and that all changed.

I think I did this to myself. I spent every Christmas growing up in the very warm Dallas suburbs wishing for snow. Growing up, there were only two Christmases we actually did get snow, and one of those was technically an ice storm. The other one, we got half an inch of snow, and I had to gently gather it up from all corners of my yard to make a snowman the size of a lawn gnome. As far as winter wonderlands went, it was pretty lame.

The funny thing about snow in Texas is that if there was even the sighting of a single snowflake, the entire state would shut down for a week. No need to venture out if there was a couple of snowflakes on the ground.

Actually, this was pretty smart. Nobody in Texas knows how to drive on snowy roads, so it's really better for everybody concerned that they stay home. There was an ice storm once during the five years I lived in Austin. I lived on top of a hill, and I walked out of my apartment, only to see ten cars in a row skid down the icy hill and crash into the pile up of cars at the bottom intersection. Seriously - they went off, one after another, like lemmings off a cliff. You could just hear their inner thoughts "Oh, it only looks slippery, but the brakes on MY truck will work better. I'm sure it ain't that bad," then oops! and BAM!

I'd personally have liked to hear driver nine in that particular car pile-up try to explain to his insurance adjuster just why he decided he'd take on that ice hill when eight cars before him had clearly failed.

Sad. Just sad.

Almost as sad as the outdoor mall near my house. Really? Whose brainchild was this? Let's build an OUTDOOR mall in Chicago - where tomorrow it is supposed to be five degrees. That'll get 'em out and shopping!

After nine years in Chicago, I have had my share of snow, sleet and ice. My inner-ten-year-old ought to love this, but my enthusiasm is dampened by the fact that my husband rarely ever shovels. He grew up in New Hampshire, and therefore has had plenty of experience both shoveling snow and thinking up good excuses not to ("I'm late for the train!" "I pulled a muscle!" "I just took a shower!" "Right now?! But, I was just about to eat this peanut butter sandwich!").

My girls, on the other hand, love the snow. They are very excited about the prospect of playing in it (not so excited about the idea of putting on the snowsuits). Still, I am pretty sure the guy who wrote that song "Let it Snow" didn't live in Chicago with two small children. Otherwise, he'd be singing "Please let it be unseasonably warm so we can go to the park and get out of this !@#$% house/prison."

It normally takes a half hour just to get both girls to put on their socks and shoes. Add in hats, mittens, and snow suits, and I might as well start getting them ready for lunch out at six in the morning.

Speaking of - we just might need to go to the store tomorrow. Maybe I ought to try to get them in their snowsuits now...

It ain't easy being green...

2009-11-30T08:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I was flipping through one of those random catalogs I get sent (how did I ever get on the Old Lady Pants/Clogs Catalog list? Really - am I THAT old? The day I wear sansabelt polyester pants is the day I officially have let myself go beyond recovery) and I saw these cool solar-powered Christmas lights you can hang around your house. I thought - hey, I need Christmas lights, so I'll buy these as a two-fer - a present for me and a present for Mother Earth. You're welcome, planet.

I waited anxiously for them to arrive, thinking all the while that Al Gore would be proud of me. (By the way, anyone see his cameo on 30 Rock? One word: Priceless).

Okay, so then the lights arrive. I should've known when five strings of them came in a package the size of a shoebox that something wasn't right. Last time I checked, I didn't live in a dollhouse. Okay, so the lights were small. REALLY small. All right, so instead of hanging them all around the front of my house, I'd just hang them on the fence. We have to make sacrifices for the planet, right? I had to think of future generations. Okay, I could do this.

So, after Thanksgiving, I opened the boxes, set up the solar panels so that they faced the best sunlight of the day, and then hung the lights around the small fence in front of my house. So, first off, the strings were like five feet long, so I didn't actually get to cover the entire fence. All right, so again - think green! Planet comes first.

Two nights ago, I turn these puppies on, ready to feel the nice glow of Christmas and the smugness of doing something great for the planet, and the lights work! They come on! Sure, they're not as bright as fossil-fueled lights, but they are lights. In the pitch-black of the middle of the night, if you aren't standing too close to the street lights, they kind of even look festive. So I'm feeling good. I even ignore my husband who says, "You know what's even greener than solar mass-produced lights from China?" Long, snarky pause. "No lights."

Well, whatever. I've done it. I've engineered a green Christmas. You can send me a thank-you card on recycled paper, anytime now, Al!

And then, fifteen minutes later, the first string of lights goes out. Like, completely out. Twenty minutes later, the second string falls, and within forty-five minutes, the entire lot of them are dark. Folks, it is just 7:45 at night. These suckers lasted exactly 45 minutes!

Then, yesterday, it rained, and last night - no lights at all. This is why our cars still run on gas. This is why my water heater is 100 percent natural-gas-fueled. If I had to wait for sunny days to shower, things would get pretty rank around here.

So, my house is dark, and very-unChristmas like. It is sad. It is Charlie-Brown-Christmas-sad (of course, I do believe Charlie Brown actually put working lights on that pathetic, litle scrap of a tree he got. So, maybe that's an insult to Charlie Brown). But, on the plus side, I think I reduced my carbon footprint by a milimeter. Or maybe two. You're welcome, planet. You're welcome.

I'm still waiting on my thank-you card, Mr. Vice President.

New Moon, New Blog

2009-11-20T13:29:00.000-08:00

Ah, well, so sorry for the lack of blogs (blogging? Blog entries? Blogosphericals? I don't know the proper vocabulary anymore). I've been busy writing (kind of) and, I have to admit, I've been cheating on this blog with Twitter. It's a heck of a lot easier to write 163 characters than all of these - what do you call them? - Oh, yes, sentences and paragraphs. I mean, sheesh. What do you think I am? A writer or something? Please. Besides, I think I've mentioned before, that I'm a big of a slacker.

This weekend, however, I am officially coming out of hibernation. Tomorrow, I'm off to see New Moon with a girlfriend of mine (my inner teen girl is jumping for joy and my husband is breathing a sigh of relief since he won't have to pretend he doesn't mind going). I've already been listening to the new soundtrack. Killers? Death Cab For Cutie? It's like it was MADE for me.

And every other teen girl in America. One of this days, I will have to come to terms with my real age, but until then, I'm happily oblivious to the fact that I am well out of the target demographic.

This is why I happily write Young Adult novels. I have no problem pretending I'm a teenager. Speaking of, there is NO decision on Bard Academy #4. My editor is still deciding its fate. I'd tell you to keep your fingers crossed, but who knows when the decision will be made. So, just mentally keep your fingers crossed. Or, if that's too hard (not sure how you do that exactly) just tell your friends to buy some Bard books and then everything ought to work out. Hopefully.

I'll be back with more Adventures in the Life of Cara Lockwood (the short version: I had so much fun with fun-sized Snickers bars over Halloween that I'm too fat for my skinny jeans; I'm obsessed with Glee (TV), Twilight (Movie) and The Hunger Games/Catching Fire (Books); and I'm playing tennis again - if I take Andre Agassi's lead, does that mean I have to do Crystal Meth to be any good?).

I'll be back with more later...

Bring Back Bard Week!

2009-09-22T15:05:00.001-07:00

So many of you have been asking me - is there going to be a fourth book in the Bard Academy series? For the past year, I've said I don't know. And, as it turns out, I STILL don't know, but I am closer to knowing than I've ever been before. Did I blow your mind? Oh, yeah. I'm good at that.

Anyway, for those of you keeping score, we've had Wuthering High, The Scarlet Letterman and Moby Clique. The verdict on a Book Four rests entirely on the shoulders of my very talented and irreplaceable editor (I'm not above brownnosing here, people) who is at the moment wrestling with the decision about whether or not to continue the Bard books. Bard, you see, has a very loyal, but sadly very small, following, and so sales haven't been all that they've hoped for. And Wuthering High has been option for a movie (twice) and both times said option has fallen through. That is a dual saga saved for another time. So, that's where we are.

If you would like to register your desire for a fourth book and would like to join like-minded folk, step over to Books Meet Blogs as they celebrate "Bring Back Bard" week. Leave a comment and let your voice be heard!

Cover girl!

2009-06-29T15:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm not a cover girl. And, I don't even have any cover girl make-up to give away. But, I DO have a sneak peek at the new cover for Can't Teach An Old Demon New Tricks, which is out next March.

Check it out. Isn't that... er... baby? demon? adorable...

Yes, there is a toddler half-demon in Can't Teach an Old Demon New Tricks. And, no, I swear, it is not at all based on either one of my angelic little girls who never, ever throw tantrums at Target or say "no" or try to run into oncoming traffic.

My children are perfect. Just ask their grandmother.

This little tyke, however, has a little devil's streak, and it's up to his super mom, Rachel (you'll remember her as Constance's best friend in Every Demon Has His Day) to save his soul (and her house) from his fire-breathing ways. Luckily, she has the help of a brooding fallen angel (Sam) to help her, which in many ways is an upgrade from Frank the Talking French Bulldog. For those of you who've read Every Demon, you know what I'm talking about. For those of you who haven't - what are you waiting for? Go buy it so my darling little girls (who always eat all their vegetables and then ask for a second helping of broccoli) can go to college one day.

Speaking of my darling girls... from that shriek, I think that naptime appears to be over. Until next time...

Edits done!

2009-06-22T13:23:00.000-07:00

Woo-hoo! I've finally finished my "work" editing the sequel to Every Demon Has His Day (Can't Teach an Old Demon New Tricks) and I can finally breath a little.

In the blur that was frantically rewriting my book under deadline, I missed telling you all about my birthday (The big 3-0 - again! This is my sixth try, and I intend to get it right this time). I also failed to mention my stint as a guest blogger at Yankee Romance Reviewers. Check it out if you really are starving for some shameless self promotion on my part, or if you'd just like to read the steamy excerpt from Every Demon (warning to the prudish - there is a kiss involved).

There is also some other good news for those of you who haven't read ALL my books yet. When Can't Teach an Old Demon New Tricks is released in spring 2010, Simon and Schuster is also reissuing some of my old classics, including Pink Slip Party and I Did (But I Wouldn't Now) in mass market paperback. That means instead of having to fork over $13, you can now buy them for $7.99. Just in time for the recession! Hooray.

In other, irrelevant to the self-promotion news, it's FINALLY gotten warm in Chicago. I swear it takes longer every year. It's always snow, snow, snow, ice, snow, snow, freezing cold, freezing rain, torrential rain, and then summer. Native Chicagoians will disagree with me, but for this Texas-raised girl, there are ten months of winter and two months of summer here (I say anything below 60 degrees is winter weather - that's what we call it in Dallas).

I'll be back soon to talk more about "Can't Teach An Old Demon New Tricks." Until then, happy summer everybody!

Ah, Friday

2009-05-29T12:21:00.000-07:00

It's Friday and I'm still swamped with work...Arrgh... This is the secret about being a full-time writer. Sure, you can work in your PJs, but you don't really get weekends or holidays off (not to mention no maternity leave - last time, I got two weeks!). I'm particularly crabby near deadlines, which is because I'm a procastinator. Give me ten months to write a novel, and I'll probably save most of the heavy lifting for the last three.

So, I'm still working on the edits for Can't Teach An Old Demon New Tricks (the sequel to Every Demon Has His Day), but I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel (to quote my Dad, I'm just hoping it's not an oncoming train. Dad was not so good at the inspirational speeches).

Anyway, for those of you well-versed in the laws of the Cara Lockwood universe you know I'm a slave to self-promotion, and anybody who is willing to heap praise on me will get a mention here. I'm the subject of a summer beach read blog -

check it out:

http://firstnovelsclub.blogspot.com/2009/05/beach-season-beginsyou-know-what-that.html

It's a fab summary of my body of work and a nice reminder that if you've read one of my books, there are still seven more, so what are you waiting for? Buy another one. My mortgage isn't going to pay itself. Ahem. Just kidding. Kind of.

Anyway, I wish the rest of you a very happy weekend! See? I can be generous even when I'm crabby about deadlines. That's just the kind of person I am - self-promoting, but polite. Mom is so proud.

Where's Excerpt Wednesday?

2009-05-06T13:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I meant to write something lovely and blatantly self-promoting about Every Demon Has His Day today - it being Excerpt Wednesday - but I'm buried under revisions for the sequel to Every Demon, and that's Can't Teach An Old Demon New Tricks.

Sadly, the life of an author is not sitting around in a smoking jacket smoking a pipe and listening to the Masterpiece Theatre theme song like I once imagined. It actually involves work sometimes and this is one of those times.

So, I promise, once I'm done revising, I will be back in full force. Until then, if any of you want to pick Every Demon for your book club, I've got some nice discussion questions for you:

1. If you were the Chosen One, what would you do first: save the world or try to figure out the numbers for the next Super Ball Lotto?

2. Which one is scenario is scarier: the devil trying to sire an antichrist or Ty Murray doing the Rumba on Dancing with the Stars?

3. Is Every Demon the Best Book of the Year? Or the Best Book of All Time? Discuss.

4. Does anyone want to help edit the sequel? (Okay, this last one is really just because I am really, really trying to get out of doing these rewrites. Argh! I'm allergic to work - and the antedote is a margarita with salt - I need one! Stat!)

Okay, so I will be back, soon, I promise. For now, I have to go finish the sequel, or I'm pretty sure some attorney is going to sue me for breach of contract and then I'll have to disappear to Guatemala or something so I don't have to pay back my advance. Say, wait a minute... Do they have good margaritas in Guatemala?

No, no, no, no.... MUST go do work! I'll be back soon. Besides, I think it would be harder work to learn Spanish than finish this sequel.

Dixieland Sushi - Redux

2009-04-30T09:03:00.000-07:00

Recently, Amy from Austin wrote me and said her book club had picked Dixieland Sushi for this month. Hooray! I love book clubs, especially when they pick my books (cha-ching! That's a few more donations to the Lockwood Girls College fund - thank you, you have just helped educate two children).

She asked that I come up with a few discussion questions, and here was my best shot:

1. There are a lot of flashbacks to the '80s in Dixieland Sushi. How do you think popular culture affects our memories of growing up? And the '80s - great decade or greatest decade? Discuss.

2. Jen's spent a lot of time forgetting where she came from. How does Riley help her get in touch with her roots and bond with her family? And how necessary is family (after the birth and raising of a person)?

3. Do you think America is a melting pot or a tossed salad? (And "I'll toss your salad" is the WRONG answer - get your minds out of the gutter, people!)

4. Mr. Miyagi - is he a great modern day philosopher or the greatest modern day philosopher? Discuss.

4. Where are the 'ritas? Can someone please refill my glass? (Okay, just kidding on the last one, although a margarita sounds pretty good about now).

And if anyone else is interested in picking Dixieland Sushi for their book club, let me know, and I'll send along some signed postcards. In fact, if you pick any of my books for a book club, I will send along signed postcards and goofy discussion questions - all free. See? We all benefit from my shameless self-promotion.

I'm alive, but Dead Jimmy isn't

2009-04-29T09:08:00.001-07:00

Okay, I don't know if you all are freaked out by the swine flu (or freaked out by the people who are freaked out) but this stuff is scary. Yes, it's probably overblown (I'm talking to you Sanjay Gupta), but maybe, just maybe it's not. I'm hoping it's not. I'm hoping everyone who says we're overreacting is completely right and can rub it in all of our faces later when the world is still here and it's not a post-pandemic wasteland where the survivors have become cannibals who wear gas masks (Note to self: stop reading "The Road").

Ahem. Well, on a lighter note, I'm alive and not currently running a fever or anything remotely like swine flu and you can rest assured that you will not catch anything from this blog. Okay, so you won't catch anything unless you roommate or husband or coworker has coughed all over the keyboard you're using. I can't guarantee your computer. I can only guarantee these contents are 100 percent swine flu free.

Speaking of untimely demises, it's time for another glimpse into Every Demon Has His Day. I've saved one of my best characters for last. Dead Jimmy is the ghost of Constance's soon-to-be-ex-husband (he'd died before he could sign the divorce papers).

And if you thought an ex was annoying alive, trust me, he was a thousand times more annoying dead.

"You're dead," Constance said, managing to keep her voice steady despite hte fact that everything she thought she knew about the world was being turned upside down.

"Well, no duh, Connie," he said, calling her by the nickname she had hated since grade school. "Getting a screwdriver in the back by a demon will do that to a guy."

Constance blinked hard twice. The man who killed Jimmy really was a demon?

"What did you say?"

"I was killed by a demon - remember? He gave you a business card," Dead Jimmy reiterated. "You know - guys with red horns. Except they don't always have horns." Jimmy looked around the kitchen like he'd never seen it before. "Say, we got any beer?"

Constance signed, went to the fridge and pulled out a can of beer, and set it on the kitchen counter. Jimmy attacked it like he hadn't seen a beer in weeks. Of course, being a ghost made things complicated, as his hand kept going straight through the can like smoke through air.

"Dammit," he cursed.

Read more about Dead Jimmy and the other characters of Dogwood County in Every Demon Has His Day.

Stay safe everybody - wash your hands!!

A little Nathan

2009-04-22T12:32:00.000-07:00

It's that time again - time for another little "Every Demon Has His Day" teaser. This one is about Constance's love interest, Nathan Garrett. I've had a couple of people write me and ask me where they can find a Nathan for themselves. I wish I knew (no offense, hubby)! If you have a man who's willing to slay demons for you, that's true love.

Here's a little more about Nathan:

Nathan Garrett was the youngest of the Garrett brothers, notorious throughout Dogwood County for their good looks and their fast hands. In high school the brothers - a set of twins and the youngest, Nathan - pretty much were responsible for relieving the greater Dogwood County female population of their virginity between the years 1991 and 2000....

Nathan wasn't stupid. He knew what he looked like. And he knew he had a certain reputation, but honestly, he was leaving that life behind and turning over a new leaf. He hadn't been out on a proper date in months. Sure, he'd had his share of girls in Dallas, but frankly, after you've dated three or four Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, they all start to look the same. Besides, he'd left Dallas in part because he wanted to put his flings behind him. He came home looking for some peace and quiet and maybe a girl who could do long division.

...

In just the last week, he'd had more than his share of accidental meetings with exes that had scared the life out of him. Either his standards in high school were very, very low or some of the girls hr knew had really let themselves go. So far, Mindy Conrad had been the worst. She'd surprised him in the aisle at Kroger two days ago, and in ten years she had managed to gaind ouble her weight while losing most of her theeth. Nathan didn't know how that worked, but guessed, by the contents of her cart, she ate her fair share of ice cream and pudding.

Nathan put his hand on the doorknob and prepared to turn it when Robbie dropped his notepad and bent down to get it. That left him with a perfect view of Constance. And for a second, he couldn't move.

She had the same stark, clear blue eyes and the same spattering of freckles on her small button nose. But somehow, she looked different. She'd changed. Grown up. Her hair was a little longer and striaghter, but still the color of wheat, and she had her slim arms crossed ont he table. In ten years, she'd become more womanly, and less girlish, her roundness now slimmer. She'd always been in the moderately cute category. The kind of girl who was cuddly cute, but not beautiful. Now she was something much more than that. There was no way around it. She had just plain blossomed. She was take-your-breath-away-goregous, the kind of girl who'd make you have trouble remembering your own name.

And in that instant, Nathan knew he'd made a terrible mistake.

Why, oh, why, didn't I call? he thought, as he took a deep breath and opened the door.

Want more Nathan? You can only find him in Every Demon Has His Day.

You might be a geek if...

2009-04-20T14:22:00.001-07:00

So, since Every Demon Has His Day is in the Sci-Fi section of your local bookstore, my so-called friends have pointed out that this might make me a) eligible for entry into the next Trekkie Convention and b) makes me a geek.

Well, sad to disappoint my frenemies, but my geek status has never really been in question. I might not watch the Sci-Fi channel, but I *might* have dressed up as Princess Leia one Halloween (Okay, so not exactly Leia - my hair would NOT do side buns - but her younger cousin "generic space princess"). And, yes, I just might have stood in line to see all the Star Wars Prequel movies just to see Yoda kick butt, even though those damn romance scenes were a little like taking a salted lemon wedge to the eye.

I am allergic to going to the gym (instead of breaking out into a sweat, I break out in hives). The last time I went to the gym, it was to take advantage of a free promotional "work-out" with a personal trainer. After just ten minutes, I tossed my cookies all over the free weights. Sad, but true. This body was simply not meant to be in shape.

But, I'm not complaining about being in the Sci-Fi section. According to Amazon, I might be 9,580 in general sales, but I'm 62 in Sci Fi/Contemporary and 55 in Thriller/Psychological (suck on it Jodi Picoult and James Patterson! Oh, wait, you guys are still ahead of me and bizillionaires while I am a sad sack thousand-aire - my bad).

At any rate, the whole "am I a geek" thing has brought up a question from a reader - does buying Every Demon Has His Day make YOU a geek? The answer is clear: Absolutely NOT. Buying Every Demon Has His Day makes you:

Brilliant
Gorgeous*
Famous*
and - my personal favorite -
Filthy Rich.*

So, fear not. No geekiness will rub off on you. Just lotto winnings and Hawaiian vacations. **

**Buying Every Demon Has His Day will not make you Gorgeous, Famous or Rich or send you to the Hawaiian Islands or help you win the lotto. But, it will help pad the Lockwood Girls college fund and that, in the author's humble opinion, does makes you brilliant.

Ah, Friday

2009-04-17T14:03:00.001-07:00

Well, it's four o'clock, and both my children are alive. The day has been a success.

Trust me, both of my young'uns have tried their best to end their short lives today (my eldest decided that a day at the park should end with a quick sprint toward traffic and my youngest's idea of learning to walk is pounding her head into every available hard surface, preferably those with sharp corners).

At any rate, thanks to the wonders of television (my favorite babysitter - judge me if you dare), I can write this quick blog entry.

For those of you desperately looking for "Every Demon Has His Day" and can't find it - check out the Sci-fi section. For some reason, it's there. Search me. I've been informed my friends that because I have a novel in Sci-fi, that means that I am officially a Geek. Not that my geek-i-ness was ever in question (I never won a game of dodge ball in my life and, yes, I might have dressed up as Princess Leia - I won't disclose whether or not it was on Halloween or whether or not it was last year).

And while Ashton Kutcher may have just lined up a million followers on Twitter, I am still looking to break 50. Sad, but true. So, if you want to boost my ego so I can pretend that I have friends, become one of my followers at www.twitter.com/CaraLockwood. I promise I won't make you drink any Cool-Aid, blue or otherwise. Is it just me, or is the "following" thing just a tad bit cultish?

That's it for now. I should go. I think one of my offspring found some scissors.

The Chosen One

2009-04-15T07:05:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

It's Wednesday again (I think - my eight-month-old has recently decided she's allergic to sleep, and therefore I don't know if I'm coming or going these days).

Time for a little peek inside Every Demon Has His Day.

Today, we're going to focus on Constance Plyd, the hero of our book, who is known for her chicken-fried steak recipe and being the Chosen One.

Constance leaned forward and picked up the magazine. And then something strange happened. The minute she touched the picture of Dante London, she felt like she'd been shocked by an electric current. Her eyes widened in surprise, and then they glazed over and rolled back in her head. She felt a surge of energy go through her, and she was frozen to the spot. And then the images ran past her eyes like TiVo on fast-forward.

She was having a Vision with a capital V.

And it was as vivid as it was sudden: Dante London, barely legal pop princess and queen of all things white trash, was destined to become the mother of the Anti-Christ.

Besides the fact that Constance is the "Chosen One" who happens to get visions, she's just like you and me. She's in the middle of a messy divorce and can't quite seem to get work life or her love life in order. Want to read more about her? Pick up Every Demon Has His Day at your local bookstore (it might be in the Sci Fi section) or at Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

Hanging with my Peeps

2009-04-12T12:15:00.001-07:00

As my two-year-old digs into her fuscia-colored Peeps, she thoughtfully eats an entire rabbit and then sticks out her tongue. "Don't like, Mommy," she says, shaking her head. This decisive proclaimation, however, doesn't stop her from promptly reaching for another one.

She, like me, has a love-hate relationship with those marshmallow Easter treats, which brings up the question: Are they tasty treats? Or crimes against marshmallows?

Well, the answer may never be known. If you've always wondered, however, just how tough this candy is, check out this site:

www.peepresearch.org/

It's what happens when researchers have a lot of expensive equipment and too much time on their hands. You find out, for instance, what would happen if you dropped a Peep into a bowl of liquid nitrogen.

Happy Easter, folks. You're welcome!

And, in it's All About Me news, Every Demon Has His Day is #41 on Amazon's bestseller list!! (Okay, well, it's technically #7,554, but it's #41 in the Mystery and Thriller/Thriller/Psychological and Suspense category. Odd, because I actually didn't know Every Demon was a thriller/psycholological suspense book, but I guess you learn something new every day.

Party Like It's... a new book out!

2009-04-10T07:40:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

I am happily tired (instead of the usual toddler-induced fatigue), after spending a lovely evening at my friend Bethie's. She outdid herself with one of her fabulous book launch parties celebrating Every Demon Has His Day, and I am still full today from everything I ate. For those of you who haven't heard of her parties (they're pretty much world-famous), she bakes and cooks everything from scratch. Case in point - her party pizza (dough and sauce made completely from scratch). I think she stopped just shy of growing her own bathtub cheese, but everything else was completely Martha Stewart-ized.

I am particularly amazed by this, since my version of a homecooked meal is to dump a can of cream of mushroom soup on a frozen chicken breast and throw it in the oven. (Sure, defrosting it first might improve the taste, but where's the challenge in eating non-rubberized chicken?). My oldest daughter, however, thinks I'm a great cook. But fortunately for her, her favorite thing to eat in the world is chicken nuggets, and those come fresh from our freezer (just hold the cream of mushroom soup).

But more importantly than the food was the company. I haven't had that many adult conversations in a row since before my oldest was born. I've got two girls (age 2 and 8 months) and last night reminded me I really need to get out more. I knew something was up when shortly after waving bye to the babysitter, I hit the gas so hard I think I actually left skid marks, and then started cackling uncontrollably, shouting "I'm free! Free! I'm FREE!!!!" like a recently released hostage.

Don't get me wrong, my girls are adorable and I wouldn't trade them for anything (which works out, since I'm pretty sure I'm stuck with them). It's just Mama needs to get her grove back every now and again (and a little bit of wine doesn't hurt either).

So, thank you to everyone who came to the party, to the hostess with the mostest, and to my husband who put both girls to sleep last night (God bless him).

Congrats to the winners!

2009-04-09T07:28:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to congratulate the winners of the Win It Before You Can Buy It contest. These lucky ten get signed copies of Every Demon Has His Day:

John
from Warren, Ohio

Carrie
from Biloxi, Mississippi

Donna
from Worthington, Indiana

Kim
from Freedom, Pennsylvania

Jennifer
from Thayer, Missouri

Polly
from Cedar Creek, Texas

Jon
from Hillsborough,New Jersey

Jason
from Elko, Minnesota

Molly
from Citrus Heights, California

Hiroko
from Schaumburg, Illinois

I may not be "excellent" but you guys are! And thanks to everyone else for entering. And if you didn't win (and I know the feeling, because so far it's Me: 0 Lotto: 594), don't worry. I'll have another contest soon and you can try your luck again. Or, take control of your fate and just buy "Every Demon Has His Day" right now!

Demon Middle Managers

2009-04-08T06:50:00.000-07:00

So it's Wednesday. I thought I'd try something new. Like, every Wednesday I do a little something more in-depth about the characters in Every Demon Has His Day. So, you can get to know them a little better, and get the answer to that age old question: What the !@#$ was she thinking when she wrote that?

Yaman and Shadow

"Oh, hell on a stick," Yaman added, glancing down at his feet and noticing blood splatters on his toes for the first time. "I think I ruined my shoes. Dammit - these were my favorite pair!"

"What do demons care of shoes?"

"Are you joking? They're Bruno Magli's."

For those of you who haven't yet read the book (and why haven't you - it's been twenty-four hours since it's been in stores. HEL-lo). Yaman and Shadow are the middle manager-like demons Satan sends to earth to try to help him find the prophet who is going to foretell the coming of the antichrist who will help Satan take over the world (oh, yeah, and it's funny, too - doesn't that just sound like a comedy?). They're disgruntled, slightly inept, completely self-absorbed, and pretty much exactly like all my worst bosses over the years (you know who you are!).

Yaman and Shadow, unlike my previous employers, however, are my favorite characters. It turns out when middle managers are demons they are actually pretty funny. At least, I think so. Yaman is a Pride demon and Shadow is a Glutton demon, and the two don't see eye to eye on pretty much anything, especially how best to execute their assignment.

They were two of the first characters I created for Every Demon. I thought it would be funny to have demons - while evil - be disgruntled with their earthbound assignments in a way that middle managers at Chrysler might be (not that I'm saying Chrysler is an instrument of the devil).

So that's my little tid-bit for today. Read more about Yaman and Shadow in Every Demon Has His Day.

Buy it at Amazon.
Buy it at Barnes and Noble.

It's here!

2009-04-07T12:26:00.001-07:00

Today is your lucky day. No, you didn't win the lotto (probably), but you DO have the chance to buy Every Demon Has His Day. It is offically in stores this week, and I want to caution that while I know you all are going to rush the bookstores, be careful not to run over any little old ladies on your way to the cash register. There are plenty of copies for everyone. No shoving!

For those of you who know me, the idea of a stampede ensuing at your local B&N for me, is sadly comical. That would only happen for one of my books, if say, Stephenie Meyer were there signing Twilight, or if J.K. Rowling came out of retirement. I once had a book signing on the same day as the release of a Harry Potter book. Nothing is more depressing than having a swarm of people in Harry Potter garb asking you - as you sit gamely behind your book signing table in front of your picture and a big stack of NON-Harry Potter books - where the bathroom is.

But, I digress.

Today is an excellent day because my book is in stores, and I will concentrate on that. It's a good thing I have this positive news, because I recently found out that, as I always suspected, I am, not actually, excellent. Recently, I was up for the 2009 Gayle Wilson Award for Excellence for Young Adult Romance (see the backstory here). I lost out to Hell Week by Rosemary Clement-Moore. I'm okay with this, if only because Clement-Moore's books are called the Girl vs. Evil series. How can you top that? Besides, I'm a big fan of sarcastic wit, and there's a lot of that in Hell Week.

And, fear not, I have not forgotten about the Every Demon contest. I will be announcing winners shortly. But don't risk it - head to your bookstore TODAY and buy Every Demon. There might be some Harry Potter fans wandering the aisles who will snatch up your copy before you get there. Don't take any chances.

I'm a twit

2009-04-04T13:38:00.001-07:00

Okay, at long last, I've finally joined the Twitter Nation - I'm officially a twit. Come visit me at twitter.com/CaraLockwood. Now, you can find out just how dorky I am as I try to contain myself in 140 characters. And this is just what I need - yet another excuse to procrastinate!

I promise I won't use my Twitter powers for evil, like to tweet during the President's address if I happen to be in the audience (I'm talking about YOU house Republicans and Dem Claire McCaskill!), but since I'm most likely not going to be in a place where the President is speaking, I'll therefore promise not to tweet under dangerous circumstances like driving. I can't parallel park when I'm fully concentrating on it, so adding texting just won't work.

And for those of you on Facebook or MySpace, I'm on there too. Drop by and say hello.

And don't forget, if you haven't already entered to win a signed copy of Every Demon Has His Day - you've got two more days. I pick names on April 6! To enter, email me at contest@caralockwood.com.

A good buzz

2009-04-01T08:43:00.000-07:00

And I'm not talking about the kind of buzz you get from three glasses of Shiraz (unfortunately), I'm talking about good critical buzz for Every Demon Has His Day (which, for those of you counting down the days, is out in less than a week). The critics are heaping on the praise, which is fine by me, because like I always say, if you have something nice to say about me, please say it often and where lots of people can hear it.

Single Titles
Romance Reviews Today
Steph Su Reads

The book hits stores April 6, but you can win your signed copy before that, by shooting me an email at contest@caralockwood.com. Or if you really, really can't wait, you can preorder it on Barnes and Noble or Amazon right now. They've been known to send out copies early (I have no idea how their mysterious warehouse distribution centers work, but they do!).

I'm a finalist!

2009-03-12T19:08:00.000-07:00

That's right - I *might* just be able to call myself "award-winning" and not with my usual sense of irony (as in, "wow, look at that 'award-winning' parallel parking job I just did).

I just found out yesterday that Moby Clique is a finalist for the 2009 Gayle Wilson Award of Excellence in Young Adult fiction. See other finalists here. I get to put this nifty graphic on my website and lord my "probable excellence" in the face on my husband and any one else who will listen ("did you see that parallel parking job? it was a finalist in the race for excellence").

Technically, this wouldn't be my first trip to award-dom, and I'm not talking about that Honorable Mention for the race I lost in recess in third grade, either. I won a Reader's Choice Award in 2006. Of course, I actually didn't realize I had won it and I actually thought I'd lost. Read that sad, goofy tale here.

I find out if I am truly "excellent" in April, but in the meantime I get a finalist certificate (I'm sure it beats the pants off that lame green honorable mention ribbon of third grade).

I'll keep posting updates. In the meantime, don't forgot to enter my contest to win an autographed copy of my new book, Every Demon Has His Day. Five lucky winners will get a copy of the book before you can buy it. Just shoot me an email to enter.

Win it Before You Can Buy It!

2009-03-10T13:54:00.000-07:00

It's that time again. No, it's not time to dump your fiancee on national television, Mr. Bachelor - it's time to give away autographed books!

Send an email (with or without anything in it but your email address) to contest@caralockwood.com before April 6, and you'll be entered into a drawing to win an autographed copy of "Every Demon Has His Day" my new book out next month.

I'll be randomly selecting five lucky winners (that means the electronic equivalent of putting names into a hat). I'll be notifying winners by email.

In the meantime, if you're feeling like you might be missing out on news, don't forget to join my mailing list (I'm actually sending out my first newsletter this week, and I'll be trying to send out newsletters regularly after that). Email me at join@caralockwood.com to get on the list EVERYONE is talking about. And by everyone, I mean my mom and my two-year-old daughter who keeps asking me to put the 'puter' down and turn on Dora the Explorer. Don't be left out of the loop. Join now!

Come visit the new caralockwood.com!

2009-03-02T11:08:00.001-08:00

Hi all,

Okay, so I blew my promise to blog every day, but, hey, at least I didn't wait until next year to blog again!

I'm writing to tell you about the relaunch of my site, caralockwood.com. It's been redesigned by my very talented friend, Christina. She's also the webmaster for bardacademy.com, and edsanders.net. If you want to hire her, just email me and I'll forward your request on.

Let me know if you like it!

And, remember, you can preorder "Every Demon Has His Day" now on Amazon or Barnes and Noble!

Worst Blogger Ever

2009-02-10T11:40:00.001-08:00

Okay, for the two people who are still checking this site after I've been MIA for nearly a year - my deepest apologies.

My only excuse is that I've been hard at work on my next novel (Every Demon Has His Day, which to your left you'll see the fantabulous (it's a word if I say it is) cover. Said novel will hit bookstores in April, but you can preorder on Amazon or at Barnes and Noble today.

The buzz on "Every Demon" is good. Publisher's Weekly calls it "Frightfully funny." What else kind of endorsement do you need? Ok, well, President Obama says it's a "must-read." Well, he might not have said that. He might have said something else entirely about the economy, but if he did happen to like fluffy romantic comedy/paranormal/oddball stories about a cook from East Texas who wakes up one morning to realize she's got to stop the antichrist, he would most certainly endorse my book. Not that I'd want him to. He's got way more important things to do (help us, please Mr. President!).

Anyway, since I blogged last, I also have managed to have a second baby, so I honestly don't know whether I'm coming or going. Am I typing on my keyboard right now, or is this some kind of dream where I'm going to wake up to realize I've fallen asleep behind the wheel of my minivan again?

Just kidding - I don't actually fall asleep while driving (knock on wood). Although I do have a minivan. Which one is scarier? My younger brother says driving the minivan is his worst nightmare - next to showing up at high school without having studied for a final exam wearing only his boxers. But I have two kids (almost under two), and well, you try putting a dual stroller in the trunk of an Accord. I have, and there was a lot of cursing involved.

Anyway, I am back in my blogging glory. Well, okay, maybe my glory days are behind me, but I promise that I'll blog more than once a year. Like, maybe even tomorrow, if I can get the girls to nap at the same time.

I Love LA

2008-04-10T06:58:00.000-07:00

Today, it is dreary, wet and cold here in Chicago, but I'm pretending that I'm in sunny Los Angeles. And, no, it's not because I'm off my meds, but it's because Bard Academy is feautured today in the Los Angeles Times.

Check it out:

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/la-et-bookit10apr10,0,3534467.story

It's all 100 percent spot on. The reporter did a fab job with the story.

Somehow, this makes the optioning of the Bard Academy books all the more real. Keep your fingers crossed that this helps get a project made! And maybe they'll film somehwere sunny and warm and I can take extended trips there.

Moby Clique winners!

2008-03-02T09:42:00.001-08:00

Just wanted to thank everyone who entered the Win It Before You Can Buy It Contest on www.bardacademy.com. And, we have winners!

Congrats to:

Spirit from New Jersey

Rachel from Connecticut

Nicole from California

Hannah from New Jersey

Karen from North Carolina

Lauren from Florida

Katie from Virginia

Meredith from Texas

Brianna from Massachusetts

Teresa from Wisconsin!

I sent the winners email notices today, and I'll be putting the signed books in the mail next week.

Bard Academy: The next Buffy?

2008-02-28T20:36:00.000-08:00

It's official: the Bard Academy series has been option for a possible movie or TV show. Does this mean it will be the next Buffy the Vampire Slayer and will I retire on a giant estate in Hawaii like Magnum PI's myseterious employer? I sure hope so! At any rate, these things take a long time to develop, so there probably won't be any news right away, but you never know. Maybe I'll be hiring mustached bodyguards in short-shorts to drive my Ferrari around before I know it.

Keep your fingers crossed!

Right now, I don't have a contract for book four in the series, so whether there will be a fourth book is anyone's guess. Although, more specfically, I'd wager it's the guess of my publisher's accountant. I never know what that guy is thinking. I can hardly make heads or tails of my royalty statements. Honestly, they're like trying to read Greek. Granted, I suck at math, but even my husband who has a PhD in physics and number crunches for a living says they are impossible to follow.

And, in other Bard news, you can officially order Moby Clique on Amazon! Yes, Amazon jumped the March 4 date a tad. The only reason I know this is because my Dad called to tell me the books he preordered arrived in the mail already. Without Dad, I'd honestly have no idea when my books really come out.

In other ego-boosting news, there's been another glowing review of Moby Clique. Read it here:

The Book Chic

Win a Signed Copy of Moby Clique!

2008-02-04T20:57:00.000-08:00

Just this week, I got advanced copies of Moby Clique delieverd to my door, and you know what that means: it's contest time! The extra copies are simply burning a hole in my office floor, so I have to give some away. You can enter to win a signed copy by heading to www.bardacademy.com/contests.html.

While you're there, you can also read the very top secret first chapter of Moby Clique (okay, so it's not that top secret, but you can read it first there!). Check out the new stuff at www.bardacademy.com.

By the way, all the updates are thanks to my very talented webmaster/designer/web goddess extraordinaire, Christina!

The early reviews are in...

2008-01-23T18:48:00.000-08:00

And Britney is really a good mom! That's according to her pal, Paris Hilton. You know, because Paris has all those maternal instincts. It takes a nurturing soul to run through lap dogs faster than Starbucks double lattes.

By the way, I thought Paris was supposed to be doing some charity work. Isn't that what she promised us on Larry King after her release from jail? Does Britney count as a charity case? I'm not sure.

In other, happier reviews, at least one review likes Moby Clique (out in stores March 4 and available for preorder from Amazon now).

Moby Clique is "the best book ever written" - okay, so that's maybe not a direct quote from the review. I *might* be paraphrasing a bit, but they said something similar, I swear. Check out the new review at www.teensreadtoo.com:

http://www.teensreadtoo.com/MobyClique.html

I'm back and it's not six weeks later!

2008-01-09T18:48:00.000-08:00

Wow. So, I've let a week and a half slide, but I'm sort of keeping my resolution. Blog more! So, here I am. Quite coincedentally, I also have some self-promoting to do (I mean, would it BE a Cara Lockwood blog entry without some shameless self promotion?).

As it turns out, you can currently buy advanced copies of the newest Bard Academy novel Moby Clique on Amazon. If you order now, it should get to your door during the first week of March.

I don't know how long you could've been ordering the third Bard book. You think they might tell us, or inform us in some official capacity, but I am always the last to know. I only just found it today, and that's because I semi-regularly stalk myself on Amazon to see what people are saying about me. Yes, this means I could be a pathetic narcissist, but I prefer to think of it as "market research."

Thankfully, I didn't find any new negative reviews (I've got my eye on YOU, ANONYMOUS!) and a couple of new positive ones, which is always nice.

So, now that I've talked myself up a bit, it's time to spread the wealth. My friend, Laura Caldwell, has a new book out: "The Good Liar." You might remember her from "Burning the Map" one of her earlier books. She's writing mysteries now, and she's damn good at it.

If you're looking for suspense, check out Kevin O'Brien's One Last Scream. He's one of the best suspense writers around!

Ah, resolution time

2007-12-31T21:07:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

My first resolution is: WRITE MORE IN MY BLOG.

Yes, I've been a complete and total slacker, and I must apologize. I've left you all high and dry for a couple of months. But, I have a good excuse. I was kidnapped by aliens who held me hostage until I could tell them just exactly why Paris Hilton is famous. I was gone so long because I honestly couldn't tell them why. She's rich? She was in a sex tape? I don't really know.

While I may not have been kidnapped by aliens, I did move into a new house. And for those of you who haven't moved in a while, let me remind you a little of what it's like: it blows. I hate packing and I hate unpacking, and the addition of my darling one-year-old daughter did not help. Thankfully, I had my mother on hand to help (she's a Godsend) and she basically did 90 percent of the packing and I did 90 percent of the making-sure-Hana-didn't-eat-tape-and/or-other-packing supplies. I must say, we made a good team. Together, we got moved, threw my daughter a birthday party and somewhere in the mix I turned in my third Bard Academy novel and my new adult book, Southern Fried Omens (out next summer). I don't know how I did it. The last six weeks are a blur.

But, I'm back to wish you a very happy 2008. Oh, and because I've got six weeks of backed-up publicity whore mongering to do, I should also mention that now is the perfect time of year to pick up "In One Year and Out the Other" - now in convenient mass market paperback! It's a short story collection featuring moi and lots of other talented writers and every story has a New Year's theme. It'll go really well with those hangovers I know a lot of you will be sporting. So go put those book store gift certificates that Santa left in your stockings to good use!

And I'll try not to leave you hanging for months this time. I'll be back soon to discussed Lynne Spears' upcoming book on parenting. Oh, wait, it's on indefinite hold! Well, I'll find something else to dish about. Fear not.

And in the meantime, if you want more Cara Lockwood (and who doesn't?) check out my other blog for MTV Books: www.mtvbooks.blogspot.com.

Moby Clique

2007-11-15T12:00:00.001-08:00

Hi all!

Sorry I've been so remiss about posting, but I'm just seriously lazy. Oh, and I'm writing TWO books at once and am chasing around my soon-to-be-one-year-old who is just starting to walk. She actually went from barely crawling to running in like 1.5 seconds, and I don't think I've managed to sit still for more than a minute since that happened.

Here's the new cover for Moby Clique, the latest and perhaps last installment of the Bard Academy series. It hits stores March 8, but I'll be giving away advanced copies before that. Just keep checking at www.bardacademy.com for more info (not yet, though, because I am just not that efficient).

And for those of you anxiously awaiting my next adult novel, I'm happy to report that I'll be writing something a little different. My next novel will be called Southern Fried Omens, and it'll be a little like Britney Spears meets the Anti-Christ with a chicken-fried steak thrown in. More on that soon!

Until then, I've got to run grab my daughter, who is currently riffling through my husband's CD collection.

Talk amongst yourselves

2007-08-22T12:46:00.000-07:00

I have to apologize for disappearing on you this summer. There's been so much I should've been writing about! But here are a few topics I'll throw out to discuss amongst yourselves:

Britney Spears: Bad Mom or just Plain Crazy?

Paris Hilton: Apparently her recent jail time has made her re-evaluate her life. Word on the street is she wants to devote herself to charity work and to getting into David Beckham's soccer shorts. Um, yeah. I don't think Becks needs charity, Paris, but thanks for the offer!

Okay, okay, so that's all I've got at the moment. But, I promise I'll be back for more.

In the meantime, for those of you in or near Chicago, I'll be signing books along with Stacey Ballis and Laura Caldwell at Team Blonde in Forest Park tomorrow night from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. I believe their will be beads and such on sale, as well as books. It's supposed to be one fab girly night. For more info, check out: www.248bookclub.com.

Laugh It Up

2007-06-28T15:28:00.000-07:00

I had a very strange dream last night, which I won't bore you with, but will say that it ended with me body-checking Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker's character from Sex and the City).

I don't know why this happened, but it could be because she's way too skinny and too fabulous and my subconscious couldn't take it anymore. I haven't even watched Sex and the City in ages, since it went off the air on HBO (much to my husband's relief. If he had to listen to one more Carrie Bradshaw voice-over, he would've stabbed himself in the eye - even the occasional nudity was not enough to make up for all the estrogen in the show, he said).

I might have dreamed about Carrie Bradshaw because I've been reading Jen Lancaster's new memoir ("Bright Lights, Big Ass") in which she derides the Sex and the City girls for making big city life seem so glamorous, when in reality it has much more to do with rat infestations and being broke than parties and top-shelf drinks.

By the way, if you haven't read any Jen Lancaster - YOU MUST DO SO IMMEDIATELY. Her first memoir, "Bitter is the New Black" will have you spewing Diet Coke out your nose (okay, a bit strange if you happen not to be drinking Diet Coke at the time, I admit), but seriously, she is funny.

If you're looking for other side-splitting laughs this summer, here are my top choices:

Laurie Notario (she's got her first novel out, which I am going to read RIGHT after I finish "Bright Lights, Big Ass").

Leslie Stella - (Fat Bald Jeff is one of the funniest stories about a surly IT guy, period).

McSweeney's Quarterly - This is a journal (read: anthology) formed by Dave Eggers, which is the modern definition of quirky humor.

John Hodgman (The Areas of My Expertise) - You know John Hodgman as the PC in the PC versus Mac ads, but in his book, he's cornered the market on dead pan humor. (My personal favorite is when he remarks that to be a bestselling author he needs to write a book about vampires fighting serial killers - you know, he's not wrong).

If you like Bard...

2007-06-20T14:22:00.001-07:00

Okay, if you've read and/or like the Bard books, you're going to love Diane Peterfreund, who wrote "Secret Society Girl" and her latest - just out - called "Under the Rose." It's like Nancy Drew meets the Ivy League, and her books are completely and totally addictive.

She's having a live chat tomorrow in the Knight Agency chat room, so if you want to talk with her live and find out more about the uuber secret Rose and Grave society, head on over to www.knightagency.net, scroll down to the bottom of the page and you will see the “AGENCY CHAT” link on the right, it will take you right there.

Her books are far more thrilling than even Paris' jail antics (which, by the way, am I the only one who thinks she's a totally weenie?! And since when is ADD a reason to get out of jail? Next thing you know, PMS will get me out of a speeding ticket).

So, head on over to the chat room tomorrow at 9 and I just might see you there!

Book Signing Today!

2007-06-14T05:16:00.000-07:00

For those of you in the Chicago area, I'll be signing books today at the Barnes and Noble at Webster Place at 7:30 tonight. I'll be appearing with Stacey Ballis (Inappropriate Men, Spinster Sisters) and Laura Caldwell (Burning the Map, The Rome Affair). We're all in that anthology, "Everything I Needed To Know About Being a Girl I Learned from Judy Blume."

Stop by and say hi!

See Jane Write

2007-06-08T13:38:00.000-07:00

This should be the week of Plugs I Forgot To Plug, because, I have to admit there is such a thing as pregnancy brain. And, while I like to consider myself in an elite class of marketing whores, I have to admit that the nine months before December I was not at my marketing best.

Case in point, I forgot to tell you guys about "See Jane Write: A Girl's Guide to Writing Chick Lit" published last summer and written by bestseller Sarah Mylnowski (Milkrun and See Jane Date) and Farrin Jacobs (former chick lit editor).

If you're interesting in writing a novel, you can't get better advice than this. And I'm not just saying that because I'm quoted in it as an expert (honestly, I never thought I'd be considered an expert at anything, so this is a little bit of a thrill). Okay, I am just saying it's great advice because it's MY advice, but still. It's a great book for would-be writers and funny, too.

Everything's in Judy Blume

2007-06-05T23:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, kiddos, for those of you who grew up reading "Are you there God? It's me, Margaret" and "Blubber" and snuck a peek at some older sister's copy of "Forever" have I got the anthology for you. It's called "Everything I Learned About Being a Girl, I Learned from Judy Blume."

And even better - I'm in it!

Okay, so you knew that was coming.

The book was edited by my pal and formerly fellow Chicago author, Jennifer O'Connell (Bachelorette #1, Book of Luke), which is probably the only reason I'm in it, considering the heavy hitters involved like Megan McCafferty (Sloppy Firsts), Meg Cabot (Princess Diaries) and Melissa Senate (See Jane Date). It also has the very talented Stacey Ballis (The Spinster Sisters) and Laura Caldwell (Burning the Map) and Beth Kendrick (Exes and Ohs), as well as Julie Kenner (Carpe Demon) and many, many more.

There's a lot of buzz about the book, and for good reason. Publisher's Weekly, Booklist, Entertainment Weekly, and most importantly People Magazine (I mean, if People writes it, it has to be true, which is why I do believe that Kate Middleton got a totally raw deal) all say you should buy it, which is way more objective than me saying you should buy it because I'm in it.

My humble story in the group focuses on the antics of my very-much-like-Fudge little brother, who may or may not forgive me for revealing that as a toddler he ate crickets and refused to wear clothes. But then, that's what sisters are for, aren't they?

Happy Mother's Day!

2007-05-13T20:46:00.000-07:00

This is for all you Moms out there. You know who you are. The ones who are knee-deep in dirty diapers, spit-up or sippy cups. The ones who are shuttling kids back and forth from soccer practice, play dates and slumber parties. The ones who have lost hours and hours of sleep to teething, the flu or because you let your son or daughter borrow the family car for the first time. For working moms and stay-at-home moms, stepmoms and grandmas.

You are all my heroes!

Hope you have a great day. Now, go get your toes done! You deserve it!

Flabby Goes To the Gym and Other Post-Baby Adventures

2007-05-09T14:50:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I have never claimed to ever really be "in shape." I am not one of those people who has any idea what they can bench press, and "spinning" class sounds to me like something to do with pottery.

I'll admit that in high school, I played for the tennis team. But, honestly, this was only to get out of gym, because in gym they made you run laps and in tennis, all I had to do was chase after a little fuzzy yellow ball. Occassionally. When I wasn't talking to the cute guys on the varsity squad. After all, I had my priorities.

So, having never really been "in shape," I decided, four months post-baby (a pregnancy during which I gained 40 pounds for my five foot one frame - and the 40 pounds is all I'm actually admitting to - what I actually gained is sealed forever in my medical records) that maybe I ought to join a gym. Our local gym happens to offer daycare and a few free personal training sessions, which I thought was perfect. I'll drop my darling daughter off, go do a few exercises with my trainer, jog around in my new, coordinating work-out outfits, and in a few weeks I'll look like Gisele.

Rewind to my first work-out with my personal trainer: after literally four leg lunges and five minutes doing stair-stepping exercises, the room starts spinning, my head gets light, and I feel like I'm going to pass out. Well, I wish I passed out. It would've saved me the embarrassment of hurling all over the brand new pristine floor in my neighborhood gym.

Yeah, apparently I was way, way, way more out of shape than I ever imagined. it seems that climbing a flight of stairs is out of my league at the moment. I'll have to work up to that by practicing sitting down and getting up from my couch.

Needless to say, I no longer have delusions of looking like Gisele. At this point, I'd settle for not passing out in the produce aisle of the grocery store because the cart is too heavy for me to push.

Luckily, typing doesn't require much upper body or cardiovascular strength, so I can blog and write novels just like I used to. Maybe that's all the exercise I need at the moment.

Speaking of work, I've just turned in a draft of the third Bard Academy book. It's called Moby Clique and it's coming out this fall.

I'm also starting a new adult book. It's still sort of a secret at the moment, but I can tell you that it's got both humor and a murder mystery at the center of its plot. More on that to come later. It won't be out until 2008. I know, I know - sounds like forever. But having a five-month-old means that I might as well be writing with a quill pen. I pretty much finish about a paragraph a day. Of course, that's when I'm not tossing my cookies at the gym.

If you're looking for a Cara-fix sooner rather than later, you can check out another of my short stories in a new kick-butt anthology coming out. It's edited by my friend, Jennifer O'Connell, and it's called "Everything I Needed to Know About Being a Girl I Learned from Judy Blume." It hits book stores June 5!

Credit Cards and other bad relationships

2007-03-15T12:21:00.000-07:00

Ah, credit card bills. I hate them. If only my credit limit was actually what I had in the bank. Sigh. Actually, I've come quite a long way towards being a responsible adult when it comes to spending. I used to charge everything, especially shoes at DSW. I'm pretty sure in another lifetime I was Emelda Marcos.

If you want to read about my youthful days as a credit card junkie, check out my essay in "It's a Wonderful Lie: 26 Truths About Life in Your Twenties." It's edited by Emily Franklin, and if you're in your twenties, it'll make you realize you aren't the only twenty-something with problems, and if you're out of your twenties (like me), it'll make you feel old and wise. Okay, maybe not old. Just wise.

Mommyhood

2007-03-08T12:34:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I have to apologize for leaving you guys hanging these past few weeks. This new mommy-hood thing has me sort of busy, which explains why - no matter how often I change my clothes - I always seem to be wearing spit-up. To solve this problem, my brother Matt gave me a white track suit, so that the spit-up wouldn't show!

One of you, however, did ask if I named Hana after the character in the Bard Academy books. I'll tell you that I've always liked the name, and after writing seven books, I found I used up a lot of the names I really liked. They all went to characters! And Hana was special to me, because it's a Japanese name, but also a common western name, and I figured since my daughter is a quarter Japanese and a quarter Scottish, it worked really well. And more importantly, my husband liked it (Unlike the other 20 names I really liked and he didn't). So, there you have it - the story of Hana's name!

Anyhow, speaking of new mommies, I have to say I really do feel for Britney. Normally, I am the first person to laugh at her gaffaws (um, barefoot in a trucker bathroom, anyone?). But I think there is actually something really wrong with her (First, Paris Hilton and now a shaved head? Eek!). I don't know if it's alcohol, drugs or postpartum depression, but when you make K-Fed look like the responsible parent, something is definitely wrong. So, I really hope she stays in rehab and gets the help she clearly needs.

In the spirit of reconciliation, I should offer an apology to all you blog readers out there who've been subjected to the x-rated spam comments posted on the blog. I've been slacking as Blog Administrator these past few weeks, and well, the not-so-good folks at Viagra and Hot Housewives and Underage Video have taken advantage. So, I'm sorry for all the lewd postings. I have to admit, it's kind of funny to read the "Dear Penthouse" kinds of comments. Just who is a fan of sister-on-sister action? Some guys are just such dorks. I'm so glad to be a woman, I tell you. At least my weakness is a good shoe sale and not lame internet porn.

Speaking of being glad to be a woman, my friend, Stacey Ballis, has a new book out that you MUST read! It's called The Spinster Sisters, and it's her best work yet (and given that her other books are hilarious, that says a lot!). You can read more about it at www.staceyballis.com.

Happy Belated New Year

2007-01-10T13:08:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I've left you all hanging for the last month, and I have to apologize. I do, however, have an excellent reason for doing so, which is that on December 9, I gave birth to my first baby, a girl, Hana MacKay Lockwood, who weighed in at a hefty fighting weight of 8 lbs and 14 ounces.

Since then, as any of you moms know, it's been a blur of no sleep and scrambling to find that five minutes a day to brush my teeth. In fact, I'm sacrificing dental health at this moment to write this blog, because I have priorities, dammit!

I have no complaints, however, since I've been blessed with the Most Beautiful Baby In The World. Honestly, I feel sorry for the other babies out there. It's just no contest. Makes me think there should be a Baby Universe pageant, but only if Donald Trump didn't own it.

Speaking of, am I the only one out there who really doesn't care what he and Rosie O'Donnell say about each other? Honestly. It's like the blind fighting the blind. Or should I say the bad hair fighting the worse hair?

Anyway, on to more pressing news, which is the birth of my other child, the second book in the Bard Academy series, The Scarlet Letterman, which is now in stores. It's already getting rave reviews (of course, what would you expect from the mother of the Smartest Baby in the World?):

http://www.teensreadtoo.com/ScarletLetterman.html

Under the Influence of Paris

2006-12-04T12:32:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I was hopeful the split of K-Fed and Brit meant a new era of enlightenment for the pop princess. Alas, this is not so! First, she starts hanging with Paris. And then suddenly she starts flashing everybody her c-section scars - and, as my friend once said, all her busy business. And I thought barefoot Britney at the gas station bathrooms was gross.

It's sad, really. I think she ought to take Rosie O'Donnell's offer to move in. She clearly needs some guidance from someone who doesn't have a sex tape in public circulation. Ee gad.

Then again, if she cleaned up her act, just what would I gossip about?

On book news, don't forget that the perfect gift this holiday for your wayward teen (or pop princess) is Wuthering High. Available in bookstores and online now!

And don't forget to enter the Win it Before You Can Buy it Contest to get your free signed copy of The Scarlet Letterman.

Have Something Nice To Say About Me?

2006-11-13T07:54:00.000-08:00

... Well, by all means, come sit by me then. I love a good compliment. And the good reviews for "I Did (But I Wouldn't Now)" keep trickling in. You can read the latest at:

http://ritesofromancereviews.blogspot.com/2006/11/new-reviews-111106.html

And I swear I didn't even pay the reviewer this time!

Okay, well, on to more important topics. The split of Brit-erline. We all knew this day would come (I thought it might be a year and a half ago, but still. I wasn't too far off). I have to applaud Britney for finally dumping the poster boy for white trash, but I have to wonder just how dumb K-Fed has to be to let the golden goose slip out of his hands. He couldn't have been nicer to the Queen of Pop? He's going to be back in that studio apartment with 10 back-up dancers within the year.

As news of the divorce got out, K-Fed was in my city (Chicago) performing his new rap album. They couldn't give tickets away to the event. Apparently, there aren't any women in Chicago who wanted to risk the possibility of carrying K-Fed's next baby. This, of course, brings me to my next question, which is who is K-Fed going to knock up next? For purely investment purposes, I'd suggest Paris Hilton. She seems not to mind slumming these days, or getting in the middle of nasty divorces, so she'd be my number one candidate. Not to mention, it would be the perfect reality show in the making. And, if they got married, they could call the show "Feder-ella" or "Cinder-line."

Post Halloween Sugar Rush

2006-11-01T09:18:00.000-08:00

Here's the sad thing about Halloween at my house: We don't get any trick or treaters. It's true. We live in a condo, so in order to get to us, the little tykes in costumes would have to buzz our door and head through two locked doors and up three flights of stairs.

This, however, does not prevent me from buying Halloween candy "just in case" some intrepid young trick or treater managed to find us on the third floor. Of course, in the meantime, my husband and I eat said candy. This year, I had to restock our candy supply THREE times (Since October 15, when I bought the first "just in case" candy, my husband and I devoured 2 bags of mini Snickers, one bag of Hersey bars, two bags of M&M's and one bag of candy corn).

I'm under the delusion that small candy bars actually have no calories. I mean, how can one single bite of chewy, chocolately goodness be bad for you? Even if, like me, you eat ten of them at a time?

Of course, this year, like all years, we had no trick or treaters, which made my last minute Snickers run yesterday afternoon a total waste. Of course, this just means more for me. Besides, given the fact that Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner, I figure I'd better eat up if I'm going to manage to get up to what I like to call my "Holiday Weight" which is a little like a bear's "winter weight" if bears ate mini-Snickers and wore sweatpants.

But, on the no-calorie front, I've got a new contest brewing at www.bardacademy.com. I'm giving away the brand new, never before read (except by me and my editor) sequel to Wuthering High. It's called The Scarlet Letterman and it won't be in stores until January 2007, but you can win your copy now!

We're all winners

2006-10-20T07:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, maybe that isn't true, because there are definitely some losers out there, but I wanted you all to feel good before I announced the winners of the $100 Hollister shopping spree as part of the Bard Back To School Contest!

Since I had a couple of thousand entries, and only four winners, there are bound to be a few losers out there. But fear not, the only thing I ever won was a pair of Donkey Kong shoelaces from a Honeycomb Cereal box. They were truly the ugliest shoelaces I've ever seen, but I wore them with pride in fourth grade because I won them.

Congrats to:
Hollister Gift Certificate Winner:
Kimberly Bennett from Kunkletown, PA

Signed Copies of Wuthering High:
Nina Olszewski from Grain Valley, MO

Laurie Candela from Woolwich, NJ

John Lee from Hollywood, Fl

Be sure to check back to www.bardacademy.com in the near future because I'll be posting my newest contest - win it before you can buy it! I'm speaking, of course, of the next installment of the Bard Academy series, "The Scarlet Letterman."

The Scarlet Letterman

2006-10-06T14:23:00.000-07:00

Hi all! I must apologize for leaving you hanging these past couple of weeks. My only excuse is, well, I really don't have much of an excuse, other than being easily distracted. Did I mention I have a short attention span?

I do, however, have the new cover for The Scarlet Letterman (the sequel to Wuthering High) which is out in January. Check it out. Feel free to tell me what you think. Not that I have any control over the art departemnt at MTV Books, but feedback is always good. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention that you can preorder The Scarlet Letterman on Amazon right now.

Also, for those of you itching for an interview with yours truly you can find it on a site called Veronika Asks.

Oh, and don't forget to enter the Bard Academy Back to School Contest for a chance to win a $100 shopping spree at Hollister. The kiddies these days tell me it's the place to get outrageously expensive overly worn jeans. Contest ends in about a week.

Premiere Week!

2006-09-25T11:58:00.000-07:00

First of all, a HUGE thank you to everyone who braved the downpour and came to the Wuthering High book launch at the Magic Tree Bookstore in Oak Park this weekend. And thanks to the fine folks at the Magic Tree Bookstore - you couldn't meet nicer people.

Now, on to more pressing events. Like what's on my Tivo.

So it's time for the fall television season, and that means that my husband and I have been fighting nearly nonstop about what, exactly, our Tivo should be recording. Now, I realize that for the sake of our marriage, we ought to buy one of those ingenious splitters (the modern marvels that let you tape more than one channel at once). But I’m pretty techno-ignorant, and my husband has an allergy to shopping of any kind. He won’t even buy his own khakis, asking me to order them online for him, instead.

One of my friends have said that the key to her happy marriage is the fact that they have two separate (but nearly equal in screen size and quality) televisions in the house, so that she can watch Desperate Housewives while her husband watches football. I can see the merits in this.

Because my husband won’t just disagree about what we should be watching, but he can’t help himself but making a running commentary like one of those people you want to strangle at the movie theatre.

“You HAVE to be kidding me – who writes this stuff?” he’ll exclaim just as Meredith and McDreamy are about to get it on Gray’s Anatomy. Or “I am physically in pain right now, and if I watch this any longer, I may go blind,” as Susan tromps around one of her neighbor’s bushes in Desperate Housewives.

Sometimes he has a point (“Why do you insist on watching Amazing Race just to see the couples argue? We could argue right now instead!”) but most of the time, he’s just a guy, and can’t understand why I like love triangles, neighborhood intrigue and hunky supporting guys like Patrick Dempsey.

Now, to be fair, I do my share of groaning, too, like whenever he insists on watching a) old westerns, b) the old original Star Trek with William Shatner or c) football. When it comes to his favorite viewing pastime this season, football, I’m pretty mild in my criticism – I just fall asleep on the couch.

This, however, enrages my husband.

“It was the fourth quarter, and the score was tied at 21! How could you fall asleep?!”

What can I say? The roar of the crowd and the nonstop drone of empty-headed commentators (who say things like “The team that showed up to play won today” as if the other team didn’t show up to play? What? They came to knit sweaters?) just lulled me right to sleep.

And don’t get me started on Star Trek. I thought I’d outsmarted him on this one: he’d taken up so much room on our Tivo recording old Star Trek shows, that last Christmas I bought him the box set of the entire three seasons. Unfortunately, then he proceeded to sit down and watch them. And he wanted company while he did so.

If I never see Captain Kirk seduce another green-skinned alien girl again, that’ll be fine by me.

So, this week, I’m going to find out about that whole Tivo splitting thing, if only to save myself a whole fall season lineup of arguments. Besides, after watching Desperate Housewives last night, I suspect it might just be good again this season!

Wuthering High Book Launch Party

2006-09-18T16:07:00.000-07:00

For those of you in or near the Chicago area (or those of you who love roadtrips) you are all invited to the Official Wuthering High Book Launch Party!

When:
This Saturday,
September 23, 2006
2 p.m.

Where:
The Magic Tree Bookstore
141 N. Oak Park Ave
Oak Park, IL

The first 30 patrons there will get free Wuthering High pens, so by all means, come by and say hi. I'll be doing a reading and then signing afterward. Come on down!

And for more procrastination...

2006-09-08T07:09:00.000-07:00

And if you're looking for another distraction, check out my interview online:

http://slayground.livejournal.com/122683.html.

Another reason to procrastinate

2006-09-07T07:50:00.000-07:00

You guys know by now that I am a huge fan of procrastination (UTube, E-Online, anyone?) so I'm always willing to pass along some procrastination tidbits for you so that you don't have to sludge through the workday actually doing work (I mean, isn't that what the hour of 2 p.m. to 3 p.m. is for? Actual work? Any other time should be spent suffering the web, IMing or emailing, in my opinion).

Anyway, the "This is Chick Lit" girls (including yours truly) are going to be on a virtual Q&A on a site called Romance Divas. We're starting tomorrow, but I think there are already some early questions being posted today. Anyway, log on, and ask any question you want. I promise to answer truthfully to everything, unless you ask me how much I weigh.

http://www.romancedivas.com/divaforum/index.php?showtopic=12775

Happy Post-Labor Day

2006-09-05T18:41:00.000-07:00

I hope everybody had a fantastic Labor Day weekend. I know I did. I spent Monday on the couch where I paid homage to the millions of hard laborers in our great nation by watching a marathon of bad reality shows and occasionally flipping over to watch Andy Roddick on the tennis court.

When I watch tennis on TV, I like to think I'm exercising vicariously. I used to play in high school, and by watching it, I can remember all those long, grueling practices, and well, it's practically as good as going to the gym. And you know it has nothing to do with the fact that Andy Roddick is a total babe.

Ahem. But moving on...I wanted to do a couple of shameless plugs, because, well, you all know me by now, and I can't help myself.

I'm a guest blogger this month on www.literarychicks.com with some other very funny and talented chick lit authors, including my friend Beth Kendrick. She's a riot, and you ought to check out her books (including her latest, "Nearlyweds"). Read more about her at www.bethkendrick.com. You can read my entries every Friday in September.

And also, for those of you in (or near) the Chicago area, I'll be having a book launch party for Wuthering High at the Magic Tree Bookstore (141 N. Oak Park Ave) in Oak Park, Illinois on Saturday, September 23, at 2 p.m. Drop on by and say hello! I won't even pressure you to buy books, I promise. But if you do, I'll sign them.

And, last but not least, Wuthering High is getting more praise. I'm pretty sure people are saying it's the best book ever, but then again, I may just be hearing that, and what they're really saying is "it's better than watching paint dry." I've always had a talent for self-delusion, which is why I believe I can fit into size 2 pants (you know, if it weren't for that pesky water retention).

You can read a Q&A with me on MyShelf.com, along with one of these glowing reviews, at www.myshelf.com/babetoteen/column.htm.

The Scarlet Letterman

2006-08-26T16:44:00.000-07:00

So Alex said...

Do you have any idea when the sequel to Wuthering High is going to be out?! I just read it and I LOVED IT! I also want to be a writer and I just loved how you brought all of the classics into the mix!

First of all, thank you, Alex! I might not be tech savvy (see my blunder in misreading a chatroom and missing the fact I'd won an award), but I do love praise. And yes, there will be a sequel to "Wuthering High," and it's called "The Scarlet Letterman" - I have to give a shout-out to my fabulously creative (and did I mention incredibly smart) friend Bethie, who came up with that name.

"The Scarlet Letterman" will be out in January 2007, which sounds like a long way off, but believe me, it's just around the corner. And worry not, I'll be giving away a few advanced copies, so stay tuned!

Also, speaking of contests, I've got a new one posted on www.bardacademy.com. Enter to win a shopping spree at Hollister. Okay, so it's not a shopping spree, but it is a $100 gift certificate, and in some circles I think that qualifies as a "spree." In my book, anything that's free is a spree.

click here to enter!

Psyche! I am a winner!

2006-08-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's well known that I'm a big goof ball, but it seems that I was premature in declaring myself a loser this week. Turns out, I DID win the Reviewer's Choice award, along with several other winners of the Cata Network.

Maybe the person I thought took my place actually had to be disqualified because of a spread in Playboy, like a former Miss America, but I won't speculate. I think it's more likely that I'm just a big fat dork and my attention span is just too short to actually properly read message boards! It wouldn't be the first time technology has been my downfall. I am the one, after all, who nearly offered my wireless internet hub a voodoo chicken sacrifice the other day if it would only just PLEASE WORK in the air conditioned part of my condo. I'm convinced that, and the pleading and begging, helped it to work properly.

But worry not, Get Juicy! contestant runners-up, I still sent the consolation prizes this week. After all, I'm prety sure there's not that much space between a loser and a dork. We're still living in the same zip code.

Losing gracefully

2006-08-21T17:49:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I didn't win the reviewer's choice award on Friday, but that's okay. I'm dealing with the rejection by trying to concentrate on the positives. Thankfully, the contest was online, so it's not like at a televised awards ceremony where the losers are in a split-screen with the winners, and have to put on their "oh, yeah, it's great that other girl won instead of me" face. And then, as if that's not humiliatng enough, through the winners' long acceptance speech, the camera keeps flipping back to the losers.

I don't know why they do this. Maybe they're hoping to see one of the losers actually break down in hysterics. Or mouth profanties at the winners. Or, during that disingenious part of the winner speech where she claims to be amazed she won because she was in such good company, see one of the losers flip her the bird. Now THAT would be an Academy Awards ceremony worth staying up until one a.m. to see.

Anyway, now that I'm officially a loser, er, I mean, stuck in the crowd of "it's just an honor to be nominated" folks, I have an extra empathy for my fellow losers. That's why this week I'm mailing the losers of the Get Juicy! Contest (the ones who correctly answered the trivia question about the book) free Wuthering High pens as a consolation prize. We losers have to stick together!

In other news, I'll be in my agent's chat room tomorrow night at 9 p.m. EST (for more information head to the knight agency blog, or directly to the chatroom. Drop by to say hello!

I'm Headed to the Pink Carpet

2006-08-17T16:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I wasn't nominated for an Oscar (which I think would be the coolest thing ever, next to say running into Keanu Reeves in the produce section of my local grocery store or winning the Powerball lotto). But I have been nominated for Best Book of 2006 (So Far) by the incredibly intelligent and unbelievably wise reviewers of the Cata Network Readers Lounge.

I'm not sure if sucking up helps my chances of winning or not, but I'm willing to give it a shot. Besides, I'm pretty sure that recently scientists discovered that some of the most intelligent, witty and terrifically skinny women posted reviews on the Cata Network.

Winners are going to be picked tomorrow by the super models of the Cata Network, and I feel like I ought to have my hair done and buy a designer gown. Of course, I can actually wear sweatpants to this awards ceremony since it'll be held online (ah, the beauty of modern technology). But I think I might just get a pedicure anyway. Sure, you can't see my toes, but I can, and they're in sore need of some pampering.

You're all invited to the ceremony, if you'd like to pop in. I think it's going to be a kind of chat room, although I'm not sure. And fabulous people (like me and did I mention the ridiculously good-looking book reviewers of the Cata Network?) will be there.

Check out your official invite here.

Festivities, I'm told, start at 9 p.m. EST. Also, you can check out the original review (5 stars!) that lead me to where I am today (a nominee! I've always wanted to say that. So far, my only "nomination" that I've ever had is to be president of my Condo Board, and believe me, that's no honor).

We have winners!

2006-08-15T12:01:00.001-07:00

I just love picking contest winners. Granted, I've only done it this once, but it was a lot of fun. And since I've never won anything in my life (except some shoelaces from a box of Captain Crunch once), I like spreading the joy. Congratulations to the Bard Academy Get Juicy Winners!

1st prize, Juicy Couture Wristlet:
Jennifer Grass from Endicott, NY

2nd prize: Juicy Couture Bracelet:
Tara Luterbach from Calgary, Alberta, Canada

3rd prize: Juicy Couture ipod Case:
Anita Yancey from Hampton, GA

Winners of Signed Books:

Tiffany Sullivan North Carolina; Sarah Peterson from Arizona; Kristen Lau from California; Cathy Meyer from Arizona; and Gail Gunter from Tennessee.

And many thanks to everyone who entered. For those of you who correctly answered the trivia question and didn't win, you'll be getting a special consolation prize in the mail. I promise it's cheap, but I think it's better than yellow Captain Crunch shoelaces like the ones I won when I was ten.

And by the way, for those of you who entered and didn't win, never fear. I'm going to have another contest soon. Keep checking www.bardacademy.com for more fabulous prizes. Oh, and if you just can't get enough of moi (and really, who can?) check out this new online interview:

http://www.alan-ya.org/

Girl Fight, continues

2006-08-12T11:57:00.000-07:00

So I've mentioned the brewing literary fight between the girls who don't mind writing entertaining fiction (even if they call it chick lit) and those who are desperately trying to be Taken Seriously. There are two short story anthologies that get to the heart of this battle. One (the better one naturally, because I'm in it) is "This is Chick Lit." The other is "This is NOT Chick Lit" where basically the foreward reads like someone desperately trying to get respect at their high school reunion. The editor of said anthology actually declares that the authors within are the best women writers today. You know, so much for Toni Morrison. Someone tell her that Jennifer Weiner just dethroned her.

Not that I have anything against Jennifer Weiner. Or any of the other authors included in the "This is NOT Chick Lit" book. Most of them are charming, talented writers.

But here's the thing. My feeling is anyone who goes around shouting "I'm a serious author! I'm literary!" is protesting a wee bit too much. It's a lot like standing up at the gym and shouting "I have a really small butt!"

Let's face it, if you have one, people already know you do. If you don't, well, shouting about the fact that you do isn't going to change the fact that you wear size XXXXXXXL pants.

But, read more about "This is Chick Lit" on the brand new site:

www.thisischicklit.com.

And in completely frivilous news, don't forget that you just have two days to enter the Get Juicy! Contest. Drawing is Tuesday!

I'm melting!

2006-07-31T07:51:00.000-07:00

I must apologize for neglecting this blog! Summer has really gotten away from me this year, and I think it has to do with the fact that it's really, super, asphault-melting hot out there.

Global warming anyone?

It's supposed to hit a hundred degrees in Chicago today and might be the hottest day of the year. I grew up in Texas, but that doesn't mean that I like 100 degree weather. In fact, it means that I'm a Central AC girl, which unfortunately, I don't have in Chicago. So, I've barracaded myself in my bedroom with my new AC window unit, and I'm praying we don't have any blackouts.

But, on to cooler news (much cooler!) I've just found another glowing review of Wuthering High:

http://www.curledupkids.com/wuthhigh.htm

This proves that Wuthering High isn't just for kids - adults like it too! If you haven't checked it out yet, head to www.bardacademy.com for more info. And by the way, don't forget to enter the Get Juicy contest, if you haven't already. I'll be giving away posh accessories August 15. Okay, so it's not a car like Oprah, but on the upside, you don't have to pay $5,000 in taxes on it, either.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go stick my head in my freezer.

Where's Suri? And Do We Really Care?

2006-07-10T09:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, so in between writing the sequel to Wuthering High, and doing other various, author-like things, I've still managed to find time to read up on my celebrity gossip in US Weekly and People magazine. I haven't managed to vacuum at all, but I have priorities - sheesh. People comes first. Besides, technically, I read People for the book reviews. Can you say, business expense? Ahem. Anyway.

So, US Weekly is running on their website a clock counting down to the second the time that's elapsed since the birth of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' baby, Suri, which happens to be the same amount of time since we haven't seen the little bambino (83 days, twelve hours and counting). I've heard all kinds of rumors about why this is - like they tried to sell exclusive baby pictures but were disappointed they didn't fetch as much as the Brangelina Baby to Suri is actually an alien who can't be exposed to sunlight.

Okay, so I haven't heard that part about Suri being an alien, but given the Scientology obsession, I couldn't help throwing that in there. But here's the thing. I don't care if I don't see TomKat's kin. I think we should all be glad they're laying low for awhile. I mean, I don't need to see Tom jumping on any couches any time soon, thanks. My new book Wuthering High is about a haunted boarding school, but nothing in it is as scary as Tom Cruise going off on Matt Laurer about prescription drugs. Ee gad.

And by the way, speaking of Wuthering High, it's featured on Barnes and Noble's picks for teen reading this week. Check it out.

And if you haven't yet, don't forget to enter the Get JUICY Contest!

Wuthering High Hits Stores - Stampedes Ensue

2006-07-02T13:09:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I don't think there are any stampedes. Officially, Wuthering High comes to a book store near you this weekend (everywhere by July 4). If you haven't yet bought your copy - what are you waiting for? Sure, it's for teens. But aren't we really teens at heart?

Sarah wrote in and wanted to know how many books would be in the Bard Academy series. There's definitely one more in the series (because I just finished it and turned it into my editor), but the rest of the series is up the air. I'd love to write more Bard Academy books, but it really depends on how well they sell. This means that if you want to see more of them, tell everyone you know to buy one! Reading, as always, is optional. The buying is the thing.

I'm officially out of contracts with my publisher, so I won't find out until September if I'm renewed, or if like Star Jones, I'll be surfing the pages of Monster.com for a new job!

By the way, who else secretly loved the fact that Star Jones got the public smackdown from Baba Wawa?

And by the way, don't forget to enter to win fab prizes at www.bardacademy.com/contests.html

Happy Fourth of July to everyone!

Win Fab Prizes!

2006-06-27T14:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, so you all who know me know that I am shameless when it comes to self-promotion. However, this doesn't mean that I don't appreciate you listening me drone on about moi. In fact, to reward you, I'm having a special contest to help promote my new book, Wuthering High, which hits book shelves this week. (Ahem, and as my Dad tells me, since he's already pre-ordered his copy, it is also shipping now from Amazon).

Go to www.bardacademy.com/contests.html and enter to win Juicy Couture accessories, and pass along the link to anyone you know in the teen set (or who's young at heart like I am!).

The Lockwoodettes Party!

2006-06-22T12:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, I think I may have mentioned before that I have the best friends ever, and I have to say, it's true. I have the best friends EVER! I know you probably have some good friends. I'm sure they are good. They may ever been great. But are they the BEST FRIENDS EVER?

Take, for instance, Kate Miller, one of the stars in the Lockwoodette Posse. Not only did she buy up all the books in the store, last night she threw me a fantastic book signing party the likes of which I doubt many Wednesday nights have ever seen before. There was wine and fruity drinks. There was food. There was lots and lots of fabulously dressed and very witty attendees. It was, in short, a party only one of the most dedicated friends in the world could throw. (Thank you, Kate!).

Mind you, Kate managed to throw said fab party after only a day before having her central AC die, which would've made for a very sticky party situation with our humid, 90 degree days of late. But she prevailed, and I think she only had to promise to sell her first-born child to Visa to have the new AC installed. This is what I call friendship, people! You don't know the total cost of her bill. As she put it, the cost can be summed it up two words: "Holy Crap!"

Thanks again to everyone who came! And a special thanks to my talented friend, Christina, who personally made party favors - keepsake bookmarks. They were as fantastic as the people who came. Thanks, everybody!

Come on Down

2006-06-21T08:28:00.000-07:00

For those of you in or near Chicago, I'm going to be signing books at the Old Orchard Barnes and Noble in Skokie this Friday, June 23, at 7:30 p.m. I'll be reading from "I Did (But I Wouldn't Now)" and signing books with Stacey Ballis, fellow Chicagoian and the very funny author of Inappropriate Men and her latest, Room for Improvement. Stacey is a riot, and if you think I'm entertaining, trust me, she takes the cake!

Drop by if you want to chat, tell us how great we are, buy our books, or if you'd just like to make a stop on your way to check out the Lacoste store at Old Orchard. I won't mind.

Hope to see you there!

Birthdays, and other reasons to eat cake

2006-06-15T08:22:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay! I was busy celebrating my birthday week (festivies continue through the end of June). There's nothing quite like having guilt-free cake. Isn't cake consumed on your birthday calorie free? As, of course, are all alcoholic beverages.

As for the best birthday present ever, I heard about some more good reviews for I Did:

www.inthelibraryreviews.net/LockwoodCara.html#ididbutwouldnt

And one for Bard:

www.inthelibraryreviews.net/LockwoodCara.html

It's always good to know that my mom isn't my only fan. :) By the way, thanks to everyone who wrote in about being excited about Bard! I think you'll really like it. You don't have to be 15 to enjoy it, either. In fact, I found that writing about teen life was a lot more fun from an adult's perspective. Plus, it's the summer, and we all need a little action and adventure!

For those of you who missed it, the new Bard site can be found at www.bardacademy.com.

Bard Online

2006-06-08T13:07:00.000-07:00

I am very lucky to have some very talented friends. One of them, Christina, has just finished a fabulous new web site for Bard Academy (the new series of teen books I'm doing). You can visit it at www.bardacademy.com.

If you like the classics, and you are a secret fan of teen shows like I am (there is something addictive about MTV's "My Sweet 16" even I have to admit), then I think you'll really like Bard Academy.

The first in the Bard Academy series, Wuthering High, is out this fourth of July. What better way to celebrate our nation's birthday than a little trip to a haunted boarding school where ghosts of famous writers stalk the students? I mean, that's as American as apple pie, isn't it?

My mom thinks so. And, by the way, Mom gives her maternal seal of approval for Wuthering High. She read it last week and gave it two thumbs up. And, if you think she's too biased to give an honest opinion, I should tell you that my good friend Shannon also gave it her approval. And she's very particular about what she reads, and isn't afraid to tell me when something really stinks, either. I love her for that. If she's on board, you KNOW it has to be good. And I didn't even bribe her with a shopping trip to DSW Shoe Warehouse.

Happy Day-After-Memorial Day

2006-05-30T09:05:00.000-07:00

So, I, like most of you, spent the weekend in somber reflection of the sacrifice of our veterans. And by somber reflection, I mean stuffing myself with an obscene amount of bbq, while awaiting word from Namibia about Brangelina's baby.

Thankfully, the Brangelina baby made an appearance, so now we can all stop obsessing about how the World's Most Beautiful Baby can never be president of the United States (being born on foreign soil). I mean, sure, the baby is being touted as the New Hope for Humanity's Gene Pool, but she'll never give a State of the Union address. Unless Schwarzenegger manages to get an amendment passed before Shiloh turns 35.

In other news, it's hot here in Chicago. And by hot, I mean that it is really freakin' hot. Now, I grew up in Dallas, where you could get third degree burns from your steering wheel if you were foolish enough to leave your car out in the sun without a windshield visor. So, I like to think I'm tough, but frankly, my condo is sweltering. I knew it was bad yesterday when my Yankee Candles started to melt without being lit first. The real problem is that I, like most Chicagoians, don't have central air.

Even my laptop is sweating. And that can't be a good thing. I tried to find refuge at the mall, but the closest one to me is an outdoor mall. I don't know what genius figured that was a good idea (Christmas shopping in three feet of snow, anyone?). Thankfully, Nordstrom is air-conditioned, and has all the major life support needs (food and drink at the cafe, shoe sales and an endless supply of beauty products). If they had a bedding section, I would've probably slept there.

I'm off to buy a Super Giant Big Gulp. I think maybe if it's big enough, I could try swimming in it.

Stay cool!

Girl Fight, Part Duex

2006-05-23T12:33:00.000-07:00

So, the girl fight continues.

You can take a sneak peek at the cover of "This is NOT Chick Lit" on Amazon (black with bold pink print). For those of you who don't know, I'm in the opposing anthology called "This is Chick Lit," available in June. (For more on this, see my last post.)

Now, to add fuel to the fire, Gloria Steinem has been quoted as saying:

“This Is Not Chick Lit is important not only for its content, but for its title. I’ll know we’re getting somewhere when equally talented male writers feel they have to separate themselves from the endless stream of fiction glorifying war, hunting and sports by naming an anthology This Is Not a Guy Thing.”

Now, I have immense respect for Gloria Steinem. But, I think the whole idea that anything with "chick" in the title is demeaning is taking things a bit too far.

I like chick flicks. And chick lit. And chick rock. Heck, I even like the Dixie Chicks. It might, although I'm not positive here, have something to do with the fact that I AM a chick. I mean, what next? Will I have to abandon pedicures and shopping because it will undermine my credibility? Or stop watching Desperate Housewives or Gray's Anatomy because my husband makes fun of them?

Not to mention, I think Ms. Steinem might be out of touch. Has she heard of Metrosexuals? "A Guy Thing" today might include an eyebrow wax.

But, all that being said, I am a feminist, but I'm also a humanist. (I'm rooting for both sexes - that is, unless my husband wants the remote).

Girl Fight

2006-05-17T08:27:00.000-07:00

So while I'm figuring out just what Novel 5 is going to be about, there is a way to get your chick lit fix BEFORE next spring.

In fact, at the end of June, there's going to be a fantastic short-story anthology out called "This is Chick Lit" featuring authors such as Lauren Baratz-Logsted (The Thin Pink Line), Jennifer Colburn (The Wife of Reilly and Reinventing Mona), Arielle Papa (On the Verge), Heather Swain (Eliot's Banana), Caren Lissner (Carrie Pilby) and Me - of course.

The reason this book is called "This IS Chick Lit" is because there's an anthology by a group of authors called "This is NOT Chick Lit" coming to a book store near you. Now, I don't know if you all know about the brewing debate about Chick Lit, but it basically goes like this:

There are some women writers who resent their fiction being labeled as "chick lit" and feel it's demeaning and undercuts their literary credibility. There are other writers - like me - who don't really care what you call it, as long as readers find and enjoy said books.

The dueling short story anthologies point out the differences in both camps. Personally, my general philosophy is to write for readers, not write for critics, so I don't really care how derisive the New York Times is of girly covers. I mean, I'm not writing for them. But that's just my two cents.

Anyway, look for This is Chick Lit, coming soon!

Some news and a glimpse into the future

2006-05-14T08:04:00.000-07:00

First off, I'd like to say thanks for everybody who's written in to say they like "I Did!" I seriously must have the fastest (and smartest) readers of any author I know. You guys are the best.

Second order of business, for those of you fast, smart readers in the Chicago area, I'll be at Barbara's Books in Marshall Field's in the loop tomorrow at noon signing copies of "I Did (But I Wouldn't Now)." By the way, they make fabulous belated Mother's Day gifts (at least, my mom thinks so).

Third order of business (and not in any way the least important), Sara posted a very good question on the blog recently, which is "What's next for me in chick lit?"

Unfortunately, the answer is: I don't know.

I'm between contracts at the moment, and my agent is talking to my editor right now trying to work out a new agreement. Fear not, I suspect that I'll still have a chick lit book out in 2007.

As for possible topics, I'm kicking around the idea of a sequel to Dixieland Sushi (Jen goes to London to meet Riley's quirky family and then when Jen's family gets word that she's (possibly) eloped the whole Nakamura clan flies in).

The other idea is one I'd been thinking about for a while, a kind of he-said, she-said modern retelling of Taming of the Shrew. But, at this point, maybe neither one of those ideas will actually become a book. You never know with these things. Ideas are strange that way. Some of them are definitely book-length, while others pitter out around fifty pages.

Sara says she wants to see a sequel Pink Slip Party - and so do I! I'm just trying to figure out the best way to do it. When I have a stroke of brilliance - which I haven't had yet, but one can still hope - I will let you know.

Dirty Dish-ing

2006-05-11T18:18:00.000-07:00

So, I must apologize because I have been woefully neglectful of a very important topic - celebrity gossip. I've been entirely too book-focused of late, and have skirted my responsibility (as a consumer of People magazine and occassionally US Weekly) to dish dirt on celebrities.

Frankly, even for the part of my brain that stores celebrity gossip (I believe it's the entire left side of my brain, because I certainly can't do math), it's been a bit of an overload recently.

Where to start? Katie Holmes, Suri and Insane Tom Cruise (I'm sure Tom will sue me shortly after this is posted to have this removed from my blog)? Denise Richards running off with Richie Sambora? K-Fed officially being crowned the Most Fertile Man in North America?

One of you asked recently about my thoughts of Britney and K-fed's news, so I suppose I should start there. Recently, I defended her against the tabloid speculation that Britney wasn't in shape because she was preggers (because she wasn't Playboy-ready in 2.4 seconds like the rest of Hollywood's elite). I thought even Britney, whose bad judgment is legendary (marrying K-fed, going barefoot in trucker bathrooms and driving with baby Sean Preston in her lap) would know better than to let Kevin near her without proper protection (Frankly, I would be wary of sharing an elevator with him at this point). I was, however, proven wrong.

All I can say is that I certainly hope Spears, Jr. #2 benefits from the hardwon parental lessons of Sean Preston. And, that Britney forgoes nanny help (least spending too much one-on-one time with K-Fed leads to Accident #3).

Now, on to the Denise Richards saga. I met Denise and soon-to-be ex Charlie on the set of the Lifetime adaptation of "I Do (But I Don't)." (And yes, I realize this is name-dropping, but as I've said before, what's the point of meeting celebs if you can't tell people you have?) Lately, my friends have been asking me if the 10.2 minutes I spent in Charlie's company led me to believe he was capable of surfing (possible child) porn, or doing any of the other things alleged in Denise's custody battle papers.

The answer is no. Charlie was very well-behaved, had a firm handshake, was all eyes for baby daughter Sam, and carried on a very pleasant conversation with me that had nothing do with drugs or hookers. He was very nice, in fact. He said he'd seen my book around the house and liked the cover art. I'll take compliments, even when I don't deserve them (for art I didn't create), so that earns him points in my book.

I can't pretend to know what happened between those two (although I do because I carry on the charade that they have my number on speed dial), although the very fact that Denise is now allegedly roaming about L.A. with Richie Sambora tells me perhaps poor Denise might be suffering from some of the same problems Britney is in the judgment department.

But what do I know? That's just my two cents.

The Lockwoodettes

2006-05-09T12:45:00.000-07:00

There are a group of friends I thank in the acknowledgements of "I Did (But I Wouldn't Now)" that I call my back-up singers, the Lockwoodettes. The lead singer, Ms. Kinsella, I dished about last week. Her tearful antics have sold me dozens of books, and for that I am forever grateful.

Not to be outdone, Kate Miller decided to buy out the local Borders herself. Lockwoodette Swartz had this to say about Ms. Miller:

Cara,
Let me paint a picture for you...Charlie [Ms. Swartz's adorable schnoodle] and I are walking down the street last night around 7pm, much to our surprise a cute vintage Volvo slows down & out pops Kate Miller's head. She pulls over, we cross the street to say hello & as I slowly approach the car I peer in to say hello-- there it was...the ENTIRE front seat was filled with fresh brand new copies of "I did (But I wouldn't Now)"!! I think she wiped out the store's stock--she must have! I think she even justified her actions by saying "I did leave a few for other people!"

Anyway just wanted to keep you updated on your roaming PR team & if you check sales stats, I'm positive they spiked around 6:30 Monday evening--its all Kate's fault

It just goes to show that the Lockwoodettes work very hard to earn their acknowledgements. Thanks, girls! And by the way, anyone else doing incredible PR feats (including but not limiting to: getting strangers and/or friends to buy the book, buying multiple copies, and/or moving books around the bookstore for better placement), you, too could earn a shout out in future books. Email me with your PR stories. I'm nothing if not easily bought.

Marketing Whores are a Girl's Best Friend

2006-05-03T14:49:00.000-07:00

Okay, if you live in the Chicago area, you might already know my friend, Bethie. She knows everyone in Chicago, although she claims there are a few people she doesn't know, but we all know that's just false modesty. Bethie, one of my nearest and dearest, is a woman of many talents. She not only puts Martha Stewart to shame, but this graduate of Second City is not afraid to corral strangers in book stores to buy my books.

Just last night, she convinced two strangers to buy my book by her patented "I'm in the acknowledgements" ploy, in which she heads to the front tables, picks up my book and then promptly bursts into tears. When she has a big enough crowd, she'll tell people the reason: that she's in the acknowledgements of said book. She claims she only does it to ensure she has a spot every year and because, naturally, she's my "Midwestern representation" and a self-proclaimed marketing whore. Honestly, if my books came with gold plaques, she'd have her name engraved.

Did I mention how much I love this girl?

Of course, she also extends the same PR to her two uncles, also published authors, Kevin O'Brien, a.k.a. master of the suspense novel, and her other uncle, Mike Leonard, whose new book is already on the bestseller lists.

Anyway, Chicagoians, beware. She's coming to a book store near you, and she's not afraid to cry.

Even Desperate Housewives Read

2006-05-02T09:39:00.000-07:00

So, I used to be a huge fan of Desperate Housewives. Who wasn't? Then, it sort of got a little dull in the first half of the second season. That's when I turned the channel to BBC America and started watching Footballers Wives (if you haven't seen it, you must!).

Recently, however, I've tuned back in to DW, and it's gotten interesting again. I mean who isn't secretly hoping that Edie finds out Susan is the "other woman" and then beats the snot out of her? I'm sorry, but I've seen way too many close-ups of Susan's "oops - I screwed up again!" face.

But, I digress. The point is that back when Desperate Housewives was must-see Sunday TV (and it's creeping back up my Tivo list as we speak), I wrote an essay for a book about Desperate Housewives, called "Welcome To Wisteria Lane," which hits book stores later this month. Okay, so maybe I need to work on my sales pitch on this one, but even if DW has been uneven, this collection isn't!

My friend and fellow Downtown Press novelist, Beth Kendrick, also has a fantastic essay on motherhood (anyone who feels Susan ought to quit using her daughter as a therapist, needs to read this essay!).

My essay deals with the dangers of suburbia. Why is it that all the intrigue on TV soaps happens in the 'burbs? You've got to read the essay to find out! Check out the book on Amazon.

Tom Kitten and other calamities

2006-04-24T10:27:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

So sorry I've been awol this last couple of weeks. I was trying to free Katie Holmes from the insanity that is Tom Cruise, but alas, I was unsuccessful. Is it just me, or does she have a glassy-eyed look in all the pictures of hers like her mind's permanently situated in its happy place? Personally, I think whoever was Tom Cruise's publicist for 10 years before she was fired and replaced by his sister, deserves serious kudos. He or she sat on a volcano of craziness for years and never let it actually erupt.

When I wasn't running celebrity interventions, I've been busy launching the new book - "I Did (But I Wouldn't Now)" - which is in some stores now, and coming to all stores very soon. You can also buy it now on Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

And, in other news, I've finally joined the new millennium and gotten a page on Myspace. Given that I am over the age of 30, I feel a little like a creepy old person, BUT, some of my 20-something friends say it's the all rage among the kiddies, so I'm trying my hand at it, because you're only as old as you feel right? Anyway, my myspace page is http://www.myspace.com/caralockwood. It's bare and ugly because I am a myspace virgin, but I'm learning folks! If you're on myspace, invite me to be your friend. I think I have three friends at the moment, and one of them is Tom, which doesn't count because he's everybody's friend.

Mom really DOES know best!

2006-04-07T08:27:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm sure you're sick of me singing my own praises by now (I could lie and tell you that I am, too, but really, does a person ever get tired of bragging? I mean, really). My only excuse is that I'm sure I'll get an ugly Amazon review that will make me want to spend the day in bed, and this is just to balance all those out.

Two more reviewers sound off about "I Did" and they agree with Mom:

http://www.romancejunkies.com/artman/publish/article_4708.shtml

and

http://freshfiction.com/review.php?id=7971

Mother always knows best

2006-04-05T12:29:00.000-07:00

It's less than a month now until the May 2 release of "I Did (But I Wouldn't Now)" the sort-of sequel/spin off to "I Do (But I Don't)" and I'm excited.

It's gotten at least two good reviews - one from an objective critic and one from my mom, who has never claimed to be objective, but has said, repeatedly, "I think this is the funniest novel I've ever read, and I'm not just saying that because I'm your mother and I have to."

Mom also says that this novel is funny until the very end, and doesn't let you down, like some other books do. That's mom-speak for "I liked it. I REALLY liked it! And I'm not just saying that because I'm your mother."

Now, if that doesn't sell you on the book, I don't know what will. This is my mom we're talking about. Forget the New York Times. Moms always know best.

Now, I won't tell you what my brother has to say on the subject, namely because he doesn't read my books. In general, his motto is "I don't read anything except the sports section" and if pressed, he'll say, "You want me to read this? It has purple on the cover!"

Viva la France

2006-03-31T09:01:00.000-08:00

In keeping with my last post on international exposure, I thought I'd share a fan letter from France I got this week about the French-translated "I Do (But I Don't)":

Hi,

I have just finished "Mariages, etc..." and I loved your book...
It's not so easy for me to explain in English, but your book was
fantastic, I laughed a lot, and even in Paris it rained a lot,
your book was a sun shine for me!

It was a real pleasure, and i hope to read your books very soon.
Thanks a lot
From Paris, and under the rain!

I'm international, baby! Actually, it was quite fun to get the French fan letter, and I was doubly glad that it came in English. I nearly flunked French in college. We had a language requirement, and I made the mistake of signing up for an 9 a.m. five-day-a-week language course during my freshman year. I didn't realize how early 9 a.m. was in college. I believe I slept through half of those classes, which is probalby why I nearly failed.

Kudos to my French fan. If I'd tried to write a French author in French, I would've probably started an international incident. I think the only word I remember is "Bibliotheque" - the word for library. That's exactly what my dad wants to hear after paying my tuition, too.

Did anyone order Thai?

2006-03-24T08:30:00.000-08:00

In The New York Times last week, they wrote about how chick lit is finding an international market, popping up in countries all over the world.

This week, my publisher sent me copies of "I Do (But I Don't)" translated into Thai. The cover is attached, here, but don't ask me to translate, because the only Thai I know is "pad Thai" or "Panang curry" which I don't think counts.

I keep teasing my husband that I'm going to rocket to fame in Thailand, just like David Hasselhoff became a rock star in Germany, where he's more popular than Brad Pitt. I can't wait for the interview in Bangkok where I talk about how Americans just don't appreciate my singing and dancing talent.

The Thai version of "I Do" is actually its second tranlsation. Last year, it was translated into French. And Pink Slip Party is currently available in Norweigan.

I think Norway has to be my favorite international cover (see right). The kick-in-the-pants is pretty much the universal sign for being laid off. And come on, can you beat the Scooby Doo like cartoon? I think not!

If only this had been the American cover, I think Pink Slip would've hit the New York Times Bestseller list for certain.

Baby Fat

2006-03-20T15:36:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm not a huge fan of Britney Spears, but even I have to admit the side by side photo (shown here) that's been running on TMZ.com is a bit harsh. The photo shows Britney pre-baby from April 2003 to post baby April 2006.

You see, there's a rumor going around that Brit and K-Fed are expecting - again. There's another rumor going around that Britney just can't lay off the KFC. What neither rumor considers however, is THIS plausible explanation: Maybe it takes more than 2.3 seconds to lose baby fat.

Heaven forbid that a celebrity have a baby and then not get into Playboy Centerfold shape in three months. For once, I think we ought to lay off Britney. She's not endangering her child here and she isn't risking hepatitis by walking barefoot into a trucker bathroom. The only thing she's guilty of as far as I can tell is perhaps bad judgment in choosing the two-piece.

Equal Rights Now... For Men?

2006-03-15T09:43:00.000-08:00

Normally, I don't discuss political issues, unless you consider red carpet attire political, and I suppose it is, in Hollywood. But, I read about this story today, and I couldn't help myself.

A 25-year-old man in Michigan is suing his ex-girlfriend claiming he shouldn't have to pay child support because he didn't want the baby. By the way, nothing says Stand Up Guy like one who wants to go on record on CNN telling the world he told his girlfriend to abort their daughter. You know, because that'll never get back to her, when she's say, 16.

While that in and of itself has a definite slime factor (he's clearly in the running for Deadbeat Dad of the Year Award), what I found even funnier was the National Center For Men, which is a group advocating "equal rights" for men, who are calling this lawsuit the the "Roe v. Wade" for men.

I went to their web site to see "their issues." I was expecting to see a "Keeping the Toilet Seat Up" campaign, but what I found instead was a laundry list of gripes, including:

1. Men don't live as long as women
2. Women have complete control over their reproductive rights, but men have no control, and can have parenthood "forced" upon them.
3. Men get screwed in most divorces
4. Men earn more money, but women spend more (yeah, not kidding on this one!)
5. Men have to make the first move in most new sexual relationships

Well, I don't know about you, but I don't really feel sorry for men on any of these counts. I didn't realize that our society was oppressing men (keeping them away from drugstores, where latex products are sold, for instance). I like men, and I do think it's not easy to be one (especially in these metrosexual days), but I just don't buy that most guys are at a social disadvantage to women, unless you're talking about how we get to wear much cooler shoes, and then I agree. Then again, our shoes are far less comfortable than yours are.

And the Oscar goes to....

2006-03-08T07:22:00.000-08:00

Jon Stewart.

All right, so (my favorite comedian - go Daily Show!) took some harsh words after his hosting of the Oscars Sunday night (my equivalent of the Superbowl). I am going to defend him here, even though I have nothing whatever to do with the movie industry - save that "I Do (But I Don't)" Lifetime Movie, and well, we all know that can't win any Academy Awards - although it should. You know, at least for Best Screenplay.

At any rate, I watch the Academy Awards every year. Why? I don't know. I like movies, yes, but it's the same reason I watch the podium ceremonies at the Olympics, I suppose. I want to see somebody acheiving their life dream, and I want to see some tears, people. It's the same reason I watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I know I'm being manipulated, but I don't care! Pass the Kleenex. Sniff. Sniff.

Sunday night's Oscars lacked tears, yes (most of the winners, even make-up artists were like 2-time winners, so this was old hat). And some TV critics said it lacked laughs from host Stewart. They put him in the same category as David Letterman and Chris Rock - edgy comedians that just didn't play well at the Kodiak Theatre.

Well, here's what I want to tell Hollywood and the Academy (because, you know, they'll listen to me): Edgy comedians are - hello? - EDGY. If you put them on stage at the Oscars, they are going to poke fun at Hollywood. And personally, I found Jon Stewart hysterical. When he joked after a pompous montage of clips from socially important and relevant movies that "And none of those issues were ever a problem again" - Hilarious.

I think Hollywood in general ought to stop taking itself so seriously at Award shows and start taking movie making a little more seriously (At the Oscars we were told to go see more movies in the theatre, but our choices this weekend inlcuded a movie about a teenage mermaid and a remake of Pink Pather. Thanks, but I'll pass).

Other sure-fire ways to improve the Oscars:

1. More Jon Stewart, less musical numbers involving interpretive dance.
2. More acceptance speeches, less not-so-funny spoofs on acceptance speeches
3. More booze (like the Golden Globes), less montages promoting the social value of Hollywood.

But then, again, it doesn't really matter what they do, because I'll be watching again next year. Even if they ask Billy Crystal back (please, don't get me started on his musical intro numbers - ack!).